Merry Christmas, dear readers. May you be able to weather what life throws at you this next year, too.
I always try very hard at Christmas to make things nice. To me, making (and eating) special recipes and seeing friends are the highlights of the season. And being with family. I don't like to travel during Christmas, but I sorely miss my kids. I have had a good time when my parents have come, and I am trying to extract promises from my married kids that they will be here next year!
However, for my husband, the presents are the thing. He always supplies me with a list. I try to buy everything I can, within reason. It is important to him to have a lot of stuff under the tree. This has been the source of yuletide conflict for 28 years now. When his mom was alive, it wasn't so bad because she'd go overboard and buy all kinds of stuff for the kids, and him. What I want is usually too expensive and complicated for my husband to buy. Also--when he buys me an expensive gift, I end up with the bill.
It would be quite simple for me to lay aside the cash, tell him what I want, and then use the cash to pay the bill. This does not, however, satisfy his longing for me to open a lot of gifts. What usually ends up happening is that I buy my own presents and then he wraps them.
So Christmas is often fraught with tension.
The other thing that happens is that my dear eternal companion wants to get involved with the gift purchases. Unfortunately, he usually expresses his interest about a week before Christmas--when everything has been selected, wrapped, and shipped by yours truly.
So, in 2009 I am going to pry my own perfectionistic, controlling fingers off Christmas and let him do it all.
I understand why we need God's blessings on us at this time more than any other!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The End of a Tumultuous Year
This year has been quite a doozy. I have had several friends pass away, which has been sad; all of them have died far too young. (I love and remember you, Rachel, Barbara, Dawn and Lynn.) I have traveled more this year than any other in my life: I have been to Utah twice, once driving; I have been to London, Las Vegas, and Nashville.
We also spent a great deal of money this year. Julie's wedding was wonderful, and by today's standards, not expensive, but it still cost a lot of cash. My dear daughter Meredith is a college freshman at an out-of-state institution, and we had to buy a new air conditioning system for our home, unexpectedly. Certainly the years we've bought houses and cars have essentially cost us more, but these were all cash layouts! At least you can finance a home or a car.
Finally, we have an empty nest after 25 years of parenthood. That's both good and bad. I dearly miss my children, but we have lots of fond memories, our little "family lexicon," thick scrapbooks, and funny videos to share and reminisce over. This year has definitely had some major turning points.
Now, after over eight years at a local home decorating store I am losing my job. The store's lease is up, and the strip mall owners want to raise the rent considerably. The bottom line is that in our recessionary economy, the store would no longer be profitable. So eight people are out of jobs.
Some of us can go to other local company stores. I might consider that--I really enjoyed my job and got very good at it. Then again, I might consider other possibilities.
I feel very fortunate that my income is not necessary for our family to stay afloat. I have options: try expanding my freelance writing business; work for a temp agency, find a different job. Maybe I should find a government job, work five years and save all my money, then splurge on the facelift I will surely need by then!
We also spent a great deal of money this year. Julie's wedding was wonderful, and by today's standards, not expensive, but it still cost a lot of cash. My dear daughter Meredith is a college freshman at an out-of-state institution, and we had to buy a new air conditioning system for our home, unexpectedly. Certainly the years we've bought houses and cars have essentially cost us more, but these were all cash layouts! At least you can finance a home or a car.
Finally, we have an empty nest after 25 years of parenthood. That's both good and bad. I dearly miss my children, but we have lots of fond memories, our little "family lexicon," thick scrapbooks, and funny videos to share and reminisce over. This year has definitely had some major turning points.
Now, after over eight years at a local home decorating store I am losing my job. The store's lease is up, and the strip mall owners want to raise the rent considerably. The bottom line is that in our recessionary economy, the store would no longer be profitable. So eight people are out of jobs.
Some of us can go to other local company stores. I might consider that--I really enjoyed my job and got very good at it. Then again, I might consider other possibilities.
I feel very fortunate that my income is not necessary for our family to stay afloat. I have options: try expanding my freelance writing business; work for a temp agency, find a different job. Maybe I should find a government job, work five years and save all my money, then splurge on the facelift I will surely need by then!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day
Today is election day--what many are calling the Most Important Election Ever. Well, maybe. A woman is running for the Republican vice-presidential spot, and a man of mixed race is running for president as a Democrat.
Frankly, I don't care what sex or race any of these people are. What I do care about is their philosophical position about the role of government. A lot of mud has been slung, and a lot of pandering to the masses has taken place. Because there has been a financial crisis (which people are blaming on the current Republican president, but it has been brewing for 15 or more years), I think that the Democrat is going to win. Americans are fickle that way. They think the opposite party will bring Change. What change, exactly, nobody can quite explain, but they postulate that change is good.
My fear, however, is that the Change that everyone is championing is larger, more intrusive, tax-and-spend government. Many are calling for more government regulation of the free market--which is what got us into problems with the mortgage industry in the first place. I fear government health care--which will be an unmitigated disaster in a country as large as ours. Except for the very wealthy, who will be able to afford private doctors, the quality of care will diminish because of the increased burden of everyone flocking to the doctor--after all, it's "free." I'd like to point out that Kaiser Permanente, which used to offer all services to their patients for "free" (except for their fixed monthly premiums) now charges a copay for each visit--a way of covering costs, true, but also to keep people from making frivolous visits.
So, Mr. or Mrs. Candidate, what do you think of the free market? What do you think the Founders were rebelling against when they wrote the Declaration of Independence? Hmm? Do you know enough history not to repeat it?
Frankly, I don't care what sex or race any of these people are. What I do care about is their philosophical position about the role of government. A lot of mud has been slung, and a lot of pandering to the masses has taken place. Because there has been a financial crisis (which people are blaming on the current Republican president, but it has been brewing for 15 or more years), I think that the Democrat is going to win. Americans are fickle that way. They think the opposite party will bring Change. What change, exactly, nobody can quite explain, but they postulate that change is good.
My fear, however, is that the Change that everyone is championing is larger, more intrusive, tax-and-spend government. Many are calling for more government regulation of the free market--which is what got us into problems with the mortgage industry in the first place. I fear government health care--which will be an unmitigated disaster in a country as large as ours. Except for the very wealthy, who will be able to afford private doctors, the quality of care will diminish because of the increased burden of everyone flocking to the doctor--after all, it's "free." I'd like to point out that Kaiser Permanente, which used to offer all services to their patients for "free" (except for their fixed monthly premiums) now charges a copay for each visit--a way of covering costs, true, but also to keep people from making frivolous visits.
So, Mr. or Mrs. Candidate, what do you think of the free market? What do you think the Founders were rebelling against when they wrote the Declaration of Independence? Hmm? Do you know enough history not to repeat it?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Cancer Awareness
October is my favorite month, especially here in Virginia. The trees are fantastic with all the colored leaves, the sky is a clear, sharp blue, and the air is crisp. It's time to switch to the fluffy down comforter, have fires in the fireplace, and wear my sweaters. Halloween is my favorite holiday, too.
Then the breast cancer people co-opted October. Now I'm bombarded with pink ribbons on everything and urged to donate to "breast cancer research." "Portions of proceeds" are donated, supposedly, when women buy stuff from crackers to socks to designer handbags.
Well, every day is Breast Cancer Awareness Day for me. I have three scars and five tattoos to show for it, not to mention a numb armpit and the side effects from radiation.
Don't get me wrong--I am absolutely not complaining. I was very fortunate to have a wonderful group of doctors taking care of me and excellent health insurance. I had a small cancer that was at a very early stage, and I never even had to spend a night in the hospital. Really, I did not let it interfere much with my life at all, and very few people know I even had it. I am very glad I was not subjected to a radical mastectomy, which was done in every case even as recently as 35 years ago--but, let's face it, the research which gave rise to less invasive procedures was conducted on women who already had breast cancer. That's not prevention research, or causal research, it's clinical trial research.
I just have to wonder--with all the walks, runs, outright donations and merchandise, exactly how much is this industry taking in for "research?" How much is actually being spent on time in the lab? And with this waterfall of funds, why hasn't more been discovered?
Frankly, if I never see a pink ribbon again, it will be too soon. (You can even have a Breast Cancer license plate in Virginia.) I feel I have donated enough to breast cancer, thank you very much.
Then the breast cancer people co-opted October. Now I'm bombarded with pink ribbons on everything and urged to donate to "breast cancer research." "Portions of proceeds" are donated, supposedly, when women buy stuff from crackers to socks to designer handbags.
Well, every day is Breast Cancer Awareness Day for me. I have three scars and five tattoos to show for it, not to mention a numb armpit and the side effects from radiation.
Don't get me wrong--I am absolutely not complaining. I was very fortunate to have a wonderful group of doctors taking care of me and excellent health insurance. I had a small cancer that was at a very early stage, and I never even had to spend a night in the hospital. Really, I did not let it interfere much with my life at all, and very few people know I even had it. I am very glad I was not subjected to a radical mastectomy, which was done in every case even as recently as 35 years ago--but, let's face it, the research which gave rise to less invasive procedures was conducted on women who already had breast cancer. That's not prevention research, or causal research, it's clinical trial research.
I just have to wonder--with all the walks, runs, outright donations and merchandise, exactly how much is this industry taking in for "research?" How much is actually being spent on time in the lab? And with this waterfall of funds, why hasn't more been discovered?
Frankly, if I never see a pink ribbon again, it will be too soon. (You can even have a Breast Cancer license plate in Virginia.) I feel I have donated enough to breast cancer, thank you very much.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Success, in a small thing
My daughter got married, and I hosted a group of virtual strangers in my home for a week. It was a lot of fun!
There were two babies, a five-year-old and a twelve-year-old. Various adults came and went. It was a pleasure to get to know them! I only hope they were comfortable here. Of course, my son and daughter-in-law were here for ten days. My daughter-in-law is a terrific person. I could not have done it without her help. She is a brilliant manager and knows just how to deal with a lot of different types of people. She really helped out with my younger daughter, who could sound off to her big sister and get the sympathetic ear she needed.
Of course, I did a lot of cooking, cleaning, and shopping, just to keep people fed! We went through a lot of Lucky Charms cereal. We hosted dinner at our neighborhood pool a couple of nights, and weathered a bad rainstorm with pizza one afternoon.
And I learned a lot about myself. I learned that nothing is perfect, and that's okay. I learned that it's a joy and a privilege to serve others. I learned that I am quite capable of not sweating the small stuff! My daughter has married into a lovely family that love each other. I am glad they came and stayed with us, and I hope they return!
There were two babies, a five-year-old and a twelve-year-old. Various adults came and went. It was a pleasure to get to know them! I only hope they were comfortable here. Of course, my son and daughter-in-law were here for ten days. My daughter-in-law is a terrific person. I could not have done it without her help. She is a brilliant manager and knows just how to deal with a lot of different types of people. She really helped out with my younger daughter, who could sound off to her big sister and get the sympathetic ear she needed.
Of course, I did a lot of cooking, cleaning, and shopping, just to keep people fed! We went through a lot of Lucky Charms cereal. We hosted dinner at our neighborhood pool a couple of nights, and weathered a bad rainstorm with pizza one afternoon.
And I learned a lot about myself. I learned that nothing is perfect, and that's okay. I learned that it's a joy and a privilege to serve others. I learned that I am quite capable of not sweating the small stuff! My daughter has married into a lovely family that love each other. I am glad they came and stayed with us, and I hope they return!
Still Learning after all These Years
I just finished one of my favorite books, Bonds That Make Us Free, by C. Terry Warner, again. I have read it about three times during the past six years I've owned it.
It has taken me at least that long to digest and incorporate the information he presents into my life. Next to the scriptures, I think it is the most important book I've ever read.
Warner points out that we spend a lot of time taking offense, and that this is a type of self-betrayal. We get angry, then seek to justify our anger by blaming someone for provoking us. I guess, deep inside, I have always known this type of reaction to be wrong. And I admit that since I now have an empty nest, there are fewer people around to do things at which I become irritated. However, Warner's work resonates with me. We all enjoy and prefer people who are open, accepting, and loving, non-judgmental and uncritical, and that is the type of person I want to be.
I am teaching myself to look at the world, and other people, as a happy, open, positive place. I don't view others as my enemies. Instead, I realize others are just doing the best they can, and it is my responsibility to cut them some slack instead of assuming they're trying to thwart me. Usually people who are nasty, angry, and suspicious, are unhappy and afraid. The world to them is a dangerous place. I don't want to be like that, and I have compassion for people who do.
I only wish I'd had this book twenty years ago. It would have saved me from myself in a lot of ways! I am not perfect, but I am making progress.
It has taken me at least that long to digest and incorporate the information he presents into my life. Next to the scriptures, I think it is the most important book I've ever read.
Warner points out that we spend a lot of time taking offense, and that this is a type of self-betrayal. We get angry, then seek to justify our anger by blaming someone for provoking us. I guess, deep inside, I have always known this type of reaction to be wrong. And I admit that since I now have an empty nest, there are fewer people around to do things at which I become irritated. However, Warner's work resonates with me. We all enjoy and prefer people who are open, accepting, and loving, non-judgmental and uncritical, and that is the type of person I want to be.
I am teaching myself to look at the world, and other people, as a happy, open, positive place. I don't view others as my enemies. Instead, I realize others are just doing the best they can, and it is my responsibility to cut them some slack instead of assuming they're trying to thwart me. Usually people who are nasty, angry, and suspicious, are unhappy and afraid. The world to them is a dangerous place. I don't want to be like that, and I have compassion for people who do.
I only wish I'd had this book twenty years ago. It would have saved me from myself in a lot of ways! I am not perfect, but I am making progress.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Mother of the Bride
So, in just over a week, a whole bunch of essential strangers are descending on my house. The occasion is their son's/brother's wedding to my daughter.
My sister and her son are coming too. And I am hosting an unbelievably expensive party at the local country club for our friends, my daughter's friends, and her in-laws.
Now, nobody who hasn't done the Mother of the Bride thing realizes the huge amount of time and sheer effort that goes into these things. Not to mention the money.
I have had to:
Choose wedding invitations and come up with wording
Get bride to okay invitations
Nag bride to get pictures made to put in the invitations
Figure out how much the postage is and buy the stamps
Coerce address lists from my daughter and her fiance's mother
Create database with all addresses
Address, assemble, stamp and mail over 100 invitations
Keep track of who is coming and who is not
Find an appropriate outfit in the right color
Find shoes and blouse to go with appropriate outfit
Help daughter find a wedding dress
Pay for dress
Argue with dress shop about price for bolero to match dress
Buy fabric and pattern and make veil
Help choose bridesmaids' dresses
Buy two bridesmaids' dresses
Design, make, and install sleeves in three of bridesmaids' dresses
Make matrix for sleeping arrangements of guests
Bake and freeze cookies and cakes to feed guests
Make trip to cake decorating shop to find stand for cakes
Select and buy cakes
Arrange for friend to pick up cakes
Purchase and alter new suit for father of the bride
Endure whining from other daughter about bridesmaid dress
Nag bride about ties for groomsmen and fathers
Choose and buy ties for groomsmen and fathers
Search for a tie for the groom
Buy tie for groom
Search on the Internet and drive all over the county to find reception site
Select food for reception
Get approval from bride for food
Put deposit down for reception
Make list of songs for son to put on ipod for reception
Paint laundry room
Refinish grout on kitchen floor
Get at least one chair reupholstered
Plan meals for guests
Shop for food for guests
Search Internet for purple flowers in July
Drive 40 miles to pick up flowers for dry run with florist
Buy vases for guest tables at reception
Check out purple flowers at local grocery stores
Buy little bottles of bubble stuff
Select and buy miles of ribbon for bouquets, favors, and boutonnieres
Order flowers on Internet
Find and order jordan almonds on Internet
Buy little cellophane bags for almonds
Place almonds in bags and tie with ribbons and bubble stuff
Create and send guest list for shower
Buy shower gift
Create and send guest list for out-of-state open house
Pick up and return cake stand
Send packages of bride's household goods to new apartment
Make at least three trips to airport to pick up guests
Arrange for evening photo session with photographer
Determine tipping procedure for waiters at reception
Report back to catering manager for reception
Coordinate family members to arrive at wedding site
There's more, but this is most of it. At the same time, I am doing all the stuff I normally do: work, exercise, church work, cook, clean, shop.
I hope my second daughter gives me at least two years before she gets married!
My sister and her son are coming too. And I am hosting an unbelievably expensive party at the local country club for our friends, my daughter's friends, and her in-laws.
Now, nobody who hasn't done the Mother of the Bride thing realizes the huge amount of time and sheer effort that goes into these things. Not to mention the money.
I have had to:
Choose wedding invitations and come up with wording
Get bride to okay invitations
Nag bride to get pictures made to put in the invitations
Figure out how much the postage is and buy the stamps
Coerce address lists from my daughter and her fiance's mother
Create database with all addresses
Address, assemble, stamp and mail over 100 invitations
Keep track of who is coming and who is not
Find an appropriate outfit in the right color
Find shoes and blouse to go with appropriate outfit
Help daughter find a wedding dress
Pay for dress
Argue with dress shop about price for bolero to match dress
Buy fabric and pattern and make veil
Help choose bridesmaids' dresses
Buy two bridesmaids' dresses
Design, make, and install sleeves in three of bridesmaids' dresses
Make matrix for sleeping arrangements of guests
Bake and freeze cookies and cakes to feed guests
Make trip to cake decorating shop to find stand for cakes
Select and buy cakes
Arrange for friend to pick up cakes
Purchase and alter new suit for father of the bride
Endure whining from other daughter about bridesmaid dress
Nag bride about ties for groomsmen and fathers
Choose and buy ties for groomsmen and fathers
Search for a tie for the groom
Buy tie for groom
Search on the Internet and drive all over the county to find reception site
Select food for reception
Get approval from bride for food
Put deposit down for reception
Make list of songs for son to put on ipod for reception
Paint laundry room
Refinish grout on kitchen floor
Get at least one chair reupholstered
Plan meals for guests
Shop for food for guests
Search Internet for purple flowers in July
Drive 40 miles to pick up flowers for dry run with florist
Buy vases for guest tables at reception
Check out purple flowers at local grocery stores
Buy little bottles of bubble stuff
Select and buy miles of ribbon for bouquets, favors, and boutonnieres
Order flowers on Internet
Find and order jordan almonds on Internet
Buy little cellophane bags for almonds
Place almonds in bags and tie with ribbons and bubble stuff
Create and send guest list for shower
Buy shower gift
Create and send guest list for out-of-state open house
Pick up and return cake stand
Send packages of bride's household goods to new apartment
Make at least three trips to airport to pick up guests
Arrange for evening photo session with photographer
Determine tipping procedure for waiters at reception
Report back to catering manager for reception
Coordinate family members to arrive at wedding site
There's more, but this is most of it. At the same time, I am doing all the stuff I normally do: work, exercise, church work, cook, clean, shop.
I hope my second daughter gives me at least two years before she gets married!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A Milestone Again
Today we hit another parenting milestone: our youngest graduated from high school.
Yippee! No more yelling about homework. No more making sack lunches which never get eaten. No more parent-teacher conferences. No more early-morning church seminary!
There's both a huge relief and a bit of sadness. I will miss having kids over and the enthusiasm and fun they bring to my house. It is never the same once the kids go away to college.
I will also miss my daughter's involvement in the high school theater department. It was a lot of fun to see her on stage. I will not miss all the work I did as the Drama Boosters president (two years, vice-president for another one).
So will things slow down now that I am looking at an empty nest? I certainly hope so!
Yippee! No more yelling about homework. No more making sack lunches which never get eaten. No more parent-teacher conferences. No more early-morning church seminary!
There's both a huge relief and a bit of sadness. I will miss having kids over and the enthusiasm and fun they bring to my house. It is never the same once the kids go away to college.
I will also miss my daughter's involvement in the high school theater department. It was a lot of fun to see her on stage. I will not miss all the work I did as the Drama Boosters president (two years, vice-president for another one).
So will things slow down now that I am looking at an empty nest? I certainly hope so!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
More Work for Mother
We bought this house eleven years ago. It had some stuff wrong with it, but a lot of things right--such as the price, location, the four-year-old air conditioning and heating systems, and the soaring cathedral ceilings in the living and dining rooms.
However, one of the wrong things is the white tile flooring in the kitchen and dining room. It has wavy edges and half-inch wide dark gray grout. Several years ago, I started staining the grout off-white, a many-stepped, tiresome chore I quickly abandoned.
But now along comes my daughter's wedding, and coincidentally, I found a fabulous grout cleaner. So I am taking up the chore again--and I like the results so much that this time, I will finish! It looks like a totally different floor. The grid look disappears completely, and it looks much less high-tech and casual. I will not lie, though. It's going to take me a while.
First, I spray this grout cleaner on the lines. It sits for a couple of minutes. Then I scrub, hard, with a brush and a toothbrush. Then I rinse, twice. Then it has to dry. At that point, I go over the grout lines with white grout paint. Once that dries somewhat, I go over it again, painstakingly with a little brush, with buff grout colorant. It has to dry at least twelve hours, then I scrub off the excess with a white scrubber. The blue or green ones are too abrasive.
After that, I have to wait a month before I can wash the floor. At that point, I will spray on another sealant because the tile has a lot of little scratches that hold dirt, and it will fill them up.
Sounds like fun, huh? But I swear, it looks like a new floor. And since my 23-year-old kitchen needs replacing, it will keep me going for a few years until we can afford that.
Concurrently, I am reading a book called "More Work for Mother," a treatise on how industrialization had a bigger influence on reducing traditionally male chores--for example, how the advent of coal-burning stoves made it unnecessary for men to chop and split wood--but made more work for women because, in this example, meal preparation became more complicated, and the stove needed a lot more care than an open hearth. Hmmm.
However, one of the wrong things is the white tile flooring in the kitchen and dining room. It has wavy edges and half-inch wide dark gray grout. Several years ago, I started staining the grout off-white, a many-stepped, tiresome chore I quickly abandoned.
But now along comes my daughter's wedding, and coincidentally, I found a fabulous grout cleaner. So I am taking up the chore again--and I like the results so much that this time, I will finish! It looks like a totally different floor. The grid look disappears completely, and it looks much less high-tech and casual. I will not lie, though. It's going to take me a while.
First, I spray this grout cleaner on the lines. It sits for a couple of minutes. Then I scrub, hard, with a brush and a toothbrush. Then I rinse, twice. Then it has to dry. At that point, I go over the grout lines with white grout paint. Once that dries somewhat, I go over it again, painstakingly with a little brush, with buff grout colorant. It has to dry at least twelve hours, then I scrub off the excess with a white scrubber. The blue or green ones are too abrasive.
After that, I have to wait a month before I can wash the floor. At that point, I will spray on another sealant because the tile has a lot of little scratches that hold dirt, and it will fill them up.
Sounds like fun, huh? But I swear, it looks like a new floor. And since my 23-year-old kitchen needs replacing, it will keep me going for a few years until we can afford that.
Concurrently, I am reading a book called "More Work for Mother," a treatise on how industrialization had a bigger influence on reducing traditionally male chores--for example, how the advent of coal-burning stoves made it unnecessary for men to chop and split wood--but made more work for women because, in this example, meal preparation became more complicated, and the stove needed a lot more care than an open hearth. Hmmm.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
The Mirror Doesn't Lie
I have spent a great deal of my life worrying about my weight and my looks. I'm one of those people who would rather be hit by a truck than gain 30 pounds. I began dieting, with my mother's enthusiastic approval, when I was about 14. When I was 17, I went to the doctor for my pre-college physical, and I weighed 116 pounds. He told me not to gain any more, but of course at college, with the stress, I did. I ate a lot, and gained about 11 pounds.
In fact, my biggest regret is that during my college years, I allowed myself to obsess over my weight and my love life and did not enjoy the variety of experiences available on campus. I wish I'd taken more dance classes, and not pushed myself to get through early (I was only 21 and two months when I graduated). I felt unattractive and therefore unworthy of any young man's attention. Actually, I was only about 10 pounds overweight.
Well, I managed to get married a couple years after graduating, and lost weight (about 13 pounds) without even trying just after I got engaged. I remember, at about age 35, getting on the scale and being shocked that my weight had "ballooned" to 117 pounds--what I weighed four months after giving birth to my son! I didn't have a weight problem until my thyroid went south when I was 37.
I went to Weight Watchers at age 43 and lost 20 pounds, a few of which I gained back, then lost a couple of times.
Still, I was a food addict. I worried every day about my weight. I love chocolate and sweets--cookies are my favorite food. I love to bake, and then eat what I bake.
Then I got cancer in the spring of 2006. I was about six pounds over what I like to weigh when I was diagnosed. I went through surgery and radiation, and then took Tamoxifen for a couple of months. It made me so depressed I begged the doctor to let me stop. Well, I did. Then I began to eat.
I gained about 12 more pounds and I have not been able to lose it since. Now, it has become a real problem because my self-esteem has plummeted, and I have to get a dress for my daughter's wedding in July. I have never been this heavy for this long. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's two sizes for me. (I am very small-boned.) Good thing I do Jazzercise three or four times a week, or I'd be a whale.
I can't figure out why I cannot seem to stop. I have lost weight before, and I feel a lot better when my clothes fit. I have had to replace nearly all my pants this past year. But it's hard to go into the stores and face the truth in the dressing-room mirror.
I have said that being overweight is like having a ball and chain around your ankle and the key in your hand, and being too afraid, or too lazy, to lean down and unlock it. I am not sure what eating is solving for me (maybe it's menopause!) but until I do figure it out, I have to basically take one day at a time--like those Overeaters Anonymous members do.
In fact, my biggest regret is that during my college years, I allowed myself to obsess over my weight and my love life and did not enjoy the variety of experiences available on campus. I wish I'd taken more dance classes, and not pushed myself to get through early (I was only 21 and two months when I graduated). I felt unattractive and therefore unworthy of any young man's attention. Actually, I was only about 10 pounds overweight.
Well, I managed to get married a couple years after graduating, and lost weight (about 13 pounds) without even trying just after I got engaged. I remember, at about age 35, getting on the scale and being shocked that my weight had "ballooned" to 117 pounds--what I weighed four months after giving birth to my son! I didn't have a weight problem until my thyroid went south when I was 37.
I went to Weight Watchers at age 43 and lost 20 pounds, a few of which I gained back, then lost a couple of times.
Still, I was a food addict. I worried every day about my weight. I love chocolate and sweets--cookies are my favorite food. I love to bake, and then eat what I bake.
Then I got cancer in the spring of 2006. I was about six pounds over what I like to weigh when I was diagnosed. I went through surgery and radiation, and then took Tamoxifen for a couple of months. It made me so depressed I begged the doctor to let me stop. Well, I did. Then I began to eat.
I gained about 12 more pounds and I have not been able to lose it since. Now, it has become a real problem because my self-esteem has plummeted, and I have to get a dress for my daughter's wedding in July. I have never been this heavy for this long. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's two sizes for me. (I am very small-boned.) Good thing I do Jazzercise three or four times a week, or I'd be a whale.
I can't figure out why I cannot seem to stop. I have lost weight before, and I feel a lot better when my clothes fit. I have had to replace nearly all my pants this past year. But it's hard to go into the stores and face the truth in the dressing-room mirror.
I have said that being overweight is like having a ball and chain around your ankle and the key in your hand, and being too afraid, or too lazy, to lean down and unlock it. I am not sure what eating is solving for me (maybe it's menopause!) but until I do figure it out, I have to basically take one day at a time--like those Overeaters Anonymous members do.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
And Life Goes On
I've looked forward to it for years: my third and youngest child is graduating from high school in about six weeks. Yahoo! No more early mornings trying to coax a kid to go to seminary classes. No more frustrating arguments about homework. No more embarrassing meetings with teachers. No more politically correct idealogy coming home from some nutty "educator" who has no business indoctrinating her students with her own personal beliefs.
Part of me is unutterably relieved, but part of me is unutterably sad.
Back up about 25 years.
I was just pregnant with my son. I was happy, scared, apprehensive. When that baby was born, I was even more scared. But when he snuggled up on my shoulder for the first time, I truly became a mom. It was one of the best moments of my life.
Two sisters followed him three and six years later. I loved my babies. I dealt with the illnesses, the tantrums, their disappointments, their triumphs. Parenting is not easy, and it is not fun much of the time. I have been fascinated with these little people, so different from me, yet who reflect me too.
Now they are little no longer. I have done my level best to provide them with a happy, disciplined, principled, loving childhood. I have made many mistakes, but I have also done a lot of things right, and I cannot imagine life without my children. I have been unbelievably fortunate to have had the best partner in parenting I could have ever wanted. My husband is a great dad.
Anyway, here I am at another crossroads in my life. The work I have done for over 24 years is, for the most part, ending. My kids will all be out West, attending school and building lives with their spouses (at least the older two). I will remain in the East, trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life.
It's going to be interesting.
Part of me is unutterably relieved, but part of me is unutterably sad.
Back up about 25 years.
I was just pregnant with my son. I was happy, scared, apprehensive. When that baby was born, I was even more scared. But when he snuggled up on my shoulder for the first time, I truly became a mom. It was one of the best moments of my life.
Two sisters followed him three and six years later. I loved my babies. I dealt with the illnesses, the tantrums, their disappointments, their triumphs. Parenting is not easy, and it is not fun much of the time. I have been fascinated with these little people, so different from me, yet who reflect me too.
Now they are little no longer. I have done my level best to provide them with a happy, disciplined, principled, loving childhood. I have made many mistakes, but I have also done a lot of things right, and I cannot imagine life without my children. I have been unbelievably fortunate to have had the best partner in parenting I could have ever wanted. My husband is a great dad.
Anyway, here I am at another crossroads in my life. The work I have done for over 24 years is, for the most part, ending. My kids will all be out West, attending school and building lives with their spouses (at least the older two). I will remain in the East, trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life.
It's going to be interesting.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Leaving Las Vegas
I have just spent a few sunny days in Sin City, proud nickname of Las Vegas, Nevada.
Since my last visit was about 13 years ago (where I famously tried to show my kids what a waste of money gambling is, and put a quarter into a slot machine. Chinga chinga ching! I won about four bucks.) things have changed tremendously.
No more Prime Rib $6.95! signs in the motels. In fact, there are no more motels on the Strip--just big resorts. I stayed at Caesar's Palace to attend and report on a conference of the Sheet Metal Workers International Association and the Sheet Metal/Air Conditioning Contractors' Association. Yes, unions. About a dozen women and 550 men.
I also found out that an unaccompanied woman walking through a casino at midnight gets a lot of stares from men. (And no, I wasn't dressed like I was selling!)
The food has improved, but it's expensive. Theme hotels have sprouted everywhere--and Caesar's is huge. Used to be, you parked in a vast lot and walked up to the casino. No more. You need a map to navigate the labyrinthine parking garage. There are at least three towers with hundreds of rooms. And this is just one resort. The Bellagio is next door, with fountain made famous by the Ocean's 11 and 13 movies--I have to say, though, it is beautiful. Music blaring at all times--in the elevator, speakers on the street, from the cafes, etc. I had dinner all alone on a Friday night in the Paris casino and hotel restaurant. They built an Eiffel Tower in the middle of it. I couldn't find out how much it was to take the elevator to the top, so I didn't do that.
I did lie out by the pool on two afternoons. Caesar's has the most gorgeous pools in Vegas. Going home, I was seated on the plane next to a guy who had spent several days skiing in Aspen. And I had been in my bathing suit in 80-degree weather! This is a great country.
No, I did not gamble one dime. I don't like wasting money, so I couldn't care less about gambling, but I admit I did sit down at a nickel slot machine. I fished in my purse for a few nickels, but there was nowhere to put them! The machines are all electronic, and you need to use a dollar or a five, or "tickets," which I had no idea how to obtain. A nickel slot only means each bet is a nickel. So I didn't even spend that on the slots!
The resorts are building like mad. I counted nine cranes in a three-block area when I was flying out. With the economy the way it is, I cannot believe they can fill all those rooms. Maybe there will be some bargains in the next year or so.
So, yes, I would go back, but only if my husband went with me and there was a show I seriously wanted to see.
Since my last visit was about 13 years ago (where I famously tried to show my kids what a waste of money gambling is, and put a quarter into a slot machine. Chinga chinga ching! I won about four bucks.) things have changed tremendously.
No more Prime Rib $6.95! signs in the motels. In fact, there are no more motels on the Strip--just big resorts. I stayed at Caesar's Palace to attend and report on a conference of the Sheet Metal Workers International Association and the Sheet Metal/Air Conditioning Contractors' Association. Yes, unions. About a dozen women and 550 men.
I also found out that an unaccompanied woman walking through a casino at midnight gets a lot of stares from men. (And no, I wasn't dressed like I was selling!)
The food has improved, but it's expensive. Theme hotels have sprouted everywhere--and Caesar's is huge. Used to be, you parked in a vast lot and walked up to the casino. No more. You need a map to navigate the labyrinthine parking garage. There are at least three towers with hundreds of rooms. And this is just one resort. The Bellagio is next door, with fountain made famous by the Ocean's 11 and 13 movies--I have to say, though, it is beautiful. Music blaring at all times--in the elevator, speakers on the street, from the cafes, etc. I had dinner all alone on a Friday night in the Paris casino and hotel restaurant. They built an Eiffel Tower in the middle of it. I couldn't find out how much it was to take the elevator to the top, so I didn't do that.
I did lie out by the pool on two afternoons. Caesar's has the most gorgeous pools in Vegas. Going home, I was seated on the plane next to a guy who had spent several days skiing in Aspen. And I had been in my bathing suit in 80-degree weather! This is a great country.
No, I did not gamble one dime. I don't like wasting money, so I couldn't care less about gambling, but I admit I did sit down at a nickel slot machine. I fished in my purse for a few nickels, but there was nowhere to put them! The machines are all electronic, and you need to use a dollar or a five, or "tickets," which I had no idea how to obtain. A nickel slot only means each bet is a nickel. So I didn't even spend that on the slots!
The resorts are building like mad. I counted nine cranes in a three-block area when I was flying out. With the economy the way it is, I cannot believe they can fill all those rooms. Maybe there will be some bargains in the next year or so.
So, yes, I would go back, but only if my husband went with me and there was a show I seriously wanted to see.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Reality vs Expectations
"We all want to have happy, satisfied husbands and remarkable children..."
Years ago, I was an editor for a non-profit journal dedicated to moms at home. Part of my job included reviewing and considering our reader-submitted essays for publication. This line from one of our submissions has stuck in my brain for years.
I don't remember anything else about the essay, or even whether or not it was published. The reason I have remembered this particular phrase, though, is how unrealistic these expectations are, even though I and most other women have them.
Who among us does not want a "happy, satisfied husband and remarkable children?" Yet who among us has them? That woman is rare, indeed. There are very few men I know who are both happy and satisfied (in their careers). And often, if the men are both happy and satisfied, their wives are not particularly happy, because that happiness and work satisfaction usually means the husband is away from home too much of the time.
My husband is successful, as far as I am concerned, but he is neither satisfied nor happy in his work. This is a source of much heartache for me, since I put him through school, and he studied electrical engineering. He has ended up as a computer systems manager. Now he wishes he had become a librarian. However, he has always put our family first and has been available for his children. He has gone on field trips and has sat at the head of the dinner table nearly every night of their lives.
As far as having remarkable children: Unless your children happen to subscribe exactly to your idea of remarkable, you are bound for disappointment. My kids are wonderful, extraordinarily creative, interesting people, but none is a brilliant student. (I have a son and two daughters, ages 24, 21 and nearly 18.) I tried to get all of them to play the piano, and each had three years of lessons that led nowhere. My daughters took voice training, and though the younger one is a fabulous singer, she refuses to take lessons now. The older two are not progressing through college as they should, which is a source of concern and anxiety for both my husband and me.
Now, don't get me wrong--I love my children. I would not trade them for anyone else! But my idea of "remarkable" children are straight-A students, musicians, and avid readers like my husband and me. We have a substantial wall of well-used books, few of which our children have read. Despite our best efforts, our children are not what I expected. They are good people, kind and warm and hardworking. They are considerate and generally live up to our high moral standards. I really have no complaints about them. But they are not my idea of "remarkable."
Which brings me to the title of this essay: Before I was married, a very wise woman commented in a talk in church that "happiness is reality divided by expectations." I must say that my expectations have had to change from my youthful idealism:
Expectations should be neither too high nor too low.
My children have the right to their own definition of happiness and success, as does my husband.
Moral character is more important than material success.
Reality is not always what you want--heartache, from time to time, is inevitable.
You can't control anything that is outside your sphere of responsibility. Give it up. Don't even try because you are bound to be frustrated and unhappy, and you will alienate others. This means kids and husbands too--kids do eventually move outside your sphere of responsibility!
Years ago, I was an editor for a non-profit journal dedicated to moms at home. Part of my job included reviewing and considering our reader-submitted essays for publication. This line from one of our submissions has stuck in my brain for years.
I don't remember anything else about the essay, or even whether or not it was published. The reason I have remembered this particular phrase, though, is how unrealistic these expectations are, even though I and most other women have them.
Who among us does not want a "happy, satisfied husband and remarkable children?" Yet who among us has them? That woman is rare, indeed. There are very few men I know who are both happy and satisfied (in their careers). And often, if the men are both happy and satisfied, their wives are not particularly happy, because that happiness and work satisfaction usually means the husband is away from home too much of the time.
My husband is successful, as far as I am concerned, but he is neither satisfied nor happy in his work. This is a source of much heartache for me, since I put him through school, and he studied electrical engineering. He has ended up as a computer systems manager. Now he wishes he had become a librarian. However, he has always put our family first and has been available for his children. He has gone on field trips and has sat at the head of the dinner table nearly every night of their lives.
As far as having remarkable children: Unless your children happen to subscribe exactly to your idea of remarkable, you are bound for disappointment. My kids are wonderful, extraordinarily creative, interesting people, but none is a brilliant student. (I have a son and two daughters, ages 24, 21 and nearly 18.) I tried to get all of them to play the piano, and each had three years of lessons that led nowhere. My daughters took voice training, and though the younger one is a fabulous singer, she refuses to take lessons now. The older two are not progressing through college as they should, which is a source of concern and anxiety for both my husband and me.
Now, don't get me wrong--I love my children. I would not trade them for anyone else! But my idea of "remarkable" children are straight-A students, musicians, and avid readers like my husband and me. We have a substantial wall of well-used books, few of which our children have read. Despite our best efforts, our children are not what I expected. They are good people, kind and warm and hardworking. They are considerate and generally live up to our high moral standards. I really have no complaints about them. But they are not my idea of "remarkable."
Which brings me to the title of this essay: Before I was married, a very wise woman commented in a talk in church that "happiness is reality divided by expectations." I must say that my expectations have had to change from my youthful idealism:
Expectations should be neither too high nor too low.
My children have the right to their own definition of happiness and success, as does my husband.
Moral character is more important than material success.
Reality is not always what you want--heartache, from time to time, is inevitable.
You can't control anything that is outside your sphere of responsibility. Give it up. Don't even try because you are bound to be frustrated and unhappy, and you will alienate others. This means kids and husbands too--kids do eventually move outside your sphere of responsibility!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Open Mouth, Insert Foot
Sometimes I think I have the worst propensity of anyone to inadvertently insult people. There is a very nice woman with whom I cannot really say I am friends, but we are more than aquaintances. We were introduced many years ago by a mutual friend, and we communicate a couple of times a year (she has moved away from the area) but it seems that every time I am with her I manage to do something, completely unintentionally, to insult her or at the very least is rude to her. I really like her and enjoy her company, but if she does not feel like that toward me, I don't blame her!
I am very conscientious, most of the time, of my manners and try very hard not to make comments that are disrespectful of others. But I'm not careful enough, evidently. I am now on my way to doing the same stuff to my daughter's future in-laws!
While on a visit to make plans for the wedding a couple of weeks ago, I commented to Julie's future sister-in-law that I was totally against bridesmaids wearing black. I just can't get past these black-and-white or red-black-and-white weddings (though my daughter-in-law used those colors after soliciting my opinion. I told her what I thought, but also that it was her wedding and therefore her decision. My son loves red and black! He thought it was great.) Well, Julie's future sister-in-law had red and black too. Strike one.
The next day, I offended the girlfriend of Julie's future brother-in-law by launching into a denunciation of Hillary Clinton. Both my husband and I, and Julie's fiance's mom and stepfather were in agreement, but the girlfriend got up and left the room. I apologized, but there you are.
Then, a few days later, I was on the phone with Julie and these same young women were in the car with her. The sister-in-law offered to make invitations on her computer, which she had done for her sister a couple of years ago. I immediately said no; I like real copperplate engraved invitations or at the very least raised lettering. (Invitations are a real issue with me; I like very traditional styles and wording.) I am sure I insulted this young woman again.
It seems my life is full of these faux pas. I really like other people and I am tolerant of views other than my own, but I am also opinionated and outspoken. Yikes! Guess it's a good thing I live 2000 miles away!
I am very conscientious, most of the time, of my manners and try very hard not to make comments that are disrespectful of others. But I'm not careful enough, evidently. I am now on my way to doing the same stuff to my daughter's future in-laws!
While on a visit to make plans for the wedding a couple of weeks ago, I commented to Julie's future sister-in-law that I was totally against bridesmaids wearing black. I just can't get past these black-and-white or red-black-and-white weddings (though my daughter-in-law used those colors after soliciting my opinion. I told her what I thought, but also that it was her wedding and therefore her decision. My son loves red and black! He thought it was great.) Well, Julie's future sister-in-law had red and black too. Strike one.
The next day, I offended the girlfriend of Julie's future brother-in-law by launching into a denunciation of Hillary Clinton. Both my husband and I, and Julie's fiance's mom and stepfather were in agreement, but the girlfriend got up and left the room. I apologized, but there you are.
Then, a few days later, I was on the phone with Julie and these same young women were in the car with her. The sister-in-law offered to make invitations on her computer, which she had done for her sister a couple of years ago. I immediately said no; I like real copperplate engraved invitations or at the very least raised lettering. (Invitations are a real issue with me; I like very traditional styles and wording.) I am sure I insulted this young woman again.
It seems my life is full of these faux pas. I really like other people and I am tolerant of views other than my own, but I am also opinionated and outspoken. Yikes! Guess it's a good thing I live 2000 miles away!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
I Always Love a Road Trip
I have just traveled for four days across the country with my husband in a Honda, in the middle of winter. Our trip was undertaken to deliver the car to our daughter, who recently became engaged.
Since we were raised in Los Angeles and now live in the Washington, DC suburbs, it's a nice wake-up call to see the way most of America lives. Odd, too, to see a place like Springfield, Illinois--a small town even if it is a state capitol.
What was nice was to see that my husband and I still enjoy one another's company on such an excursion, even after 27 years of marriage. Of course, the trip included shopping for a wedding dress, which my husband undertook with great sportsmanship! I overheard a salesgirl say to my daughter, "You have really fun parents!" I think we're fun and interesting people, and it's nice when a comment like that is unsolicited.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Forgiveness
My mother is nearly 83 and her health is failing. She cannot walk more than a few steps with a walker, and she spends most of her time in bed. My father waits on her constantly, fixes all of her meals, does all of the shopping and cleaning, and schleps her to various doctors.
I live two thousand miles away, therefore I cannot do much except talk on the phone. I try to make it out to see my parents at least twice a year, but I have work obligations and a child still at home. My sister lives there, and her kids are grown, but she works full-time. She does what she can, but she, and I, still carry a lot of resentment for the way we were treated as children, and the way our mother continues to treat us.
Mom is a perfectionist and highly controlling. For example, she chewed me out recently because my married son, age 24, was wearing a pair of jeans with the knees blown out when he went to see her one day. I laughed, and asked her if she had followed me around to check out my clothing when I was 24. Of course she did not, but because, "I didn't have to," implying that she had taught her own children better manners!
Unfortunately issues like this come up all the time. Both my sister and I have endured decades of spiteful, nasty carping over things that really do not matter very much. I have told Mom point-blank that her scolding and complaints are not winning friends or influencing people, but nothing changes.
What it boils down to is whether or not I can forgive my mother for her hurtful behavior. My job is to love and honor my parents, no matter how difficult that gets. It is easier now, that I am a mature adult who has raised children herself, and my strong religious beliefs indeed require me to forgive. It is also clear to me that most people "know not what they do" when offense is given or taken. They are doing the best that they can, and all deserve our love and goodwill.
Forgiveness does much more for the person extending it than for the person receiving it. Forgiveness humbles the spirit, and therefore elevates it. Forgiveness is not easy, and I have found that it requires a lot of prayer and a loving heart, but it also brings us spiritually closer to God and Jesus Christ than anything else.
I live two thousand miles away, therefore I cannot do much except talk on the phone. I try to make it out to see my parents at least twice a year, but I have work obligations and a child still at home. My sister lives there, and her kids are grown, but she works full-time. She does what she can, but she, and I, still carry a lot of resentment for the way we were treated as children, and the way our mother continues to treat us.
Mom is a perfectionist and highly controlling. For example, she chewed me out recently because my married son, age 24, was wearing a pair of jeans with the knees blown out when he went to see her one day. I laughed, and asked her if she had followed me around to check out my clothing when I was 24. Of course she did not, but because, "I didn't have to," implying that she had taught her own children better manners!
Unfortunately issues like this come up all the time. Both my sister and I have endured decades of spiteful, nasty carping over things that really do not matter very much. I have told Mom point-blank that her scolding and complaints are not winning friends or influencing people, but nothing changes.
What it boils down to is whether or not I can forgive my mother for her hurtful behavior. My job is to love and honor my parents, no matter how difficult that gets. It is easier now, that I am a mature adult who has raised children herself, and my strong religious beliefs indeed require me to forgive. It is also clear to me that most people "know not what they do" when offense is given or taken. They are doing the best that they can, and all deserve our love and goodwill.
Forgiveness does much more for the person extending it than for the person receiving it. Forgiveness humbles the spirit, and therefore elevates it. Forgiveness is not easy, and I have found that it requires a lot of prayer and a loving heart, but it also brings us spiritually closer to God and Jesus Christ than anything else.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Happiness
I once read an essay that was actually about organizing and cleaning your home, but really was about happiness. It said, "...and happiness will simply settle softly on your shoulder." Well, it wasn't that, verbatim, and my version is unintentionally more alliterative, but you get the picture.
I have found that there is no secret to happiness, no magic formula or luck of birth or genetics that leads to it (although I am ruling out serious biochemical problems). Happiness, as I define it, is loving yourself, liking yourself, and finding joy in everyday living. It has taken me half a century of work to get here, and while I am not happy all day every day, I can say that for the majority of the time, I am a happy person.
There is always something to appreciate--be it a sunrise, the snow gently falling, the cut of a favorite pair of pants, the way a certain color makes you look, the taste of fresh bread or a perfectly ripe strawberry.
We have come to expect so much of life that happiness becomes more and more elusive, as we associate it with perfection and material things. I have been trying to let go of these external, artificial measures of happiness, and to instead opt for a comfort in my skin and an appreciation of myself as a good and productive human being. That's living well, and happily.
I have found that there is no secret to happiness, no magic formula or luck of birth or genetics that leads to it (although I am ruling out serious biochemical problems). Happiness, as I define it, is loving yourself, liking yourself, and finding joy in everyday living. It has taken me half a century of work to get here, and while I am not happy all day every day, I can say that for the majority of the time, I am a happy person.
There is always something to appreciate--be it a sunrise, the snow gently falling, the cut of a favorite pair of pants, the way a certain color makes you look, the taste of fresh bread or a perfectly ripe strawberry.
We have come to expect so much of life that happiness becomes more and more elusive, as we associate it with perfection and material things. I have been trying to let go of these external, artificial measures of happiness, and to instead opt for a comfort in my skin and an appreciation of myself as a good and productive human being. That's living well, and happily.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Now I'm Really 50
Sometimes it takes a while for a birthday to sink in. When I turned thirty, it was great--I felt like a real adult, that I had truly arrived. Forty was difficult--it meant that I was definitely middle-aged. Fifty was okay; I am resigned to the fact that there are wrinkles and aches and pains, but last night I really and truly realized that I am fifty.
My husband and I were shopping for groceries, and I saw another couple, several years older than we are, but in their fifties, and I realized that we look like that, more or less. They were nice looking, well-dressed, and the man had white hair, but as it often happens, it's a bit of a shock to get a glimpse of what you must look like to the rest of the world. (This is the idea behind the secret footage and the 360-degree mirror on What Not To Wear, but I digress.)
So, at that moment, reality sank in. I am fifty years old. I am part of An Older Couple. Not much I can do about it, but there it is. And it's okay.
My husband and I were shopping for groceries, and I saw another couple, several years older than we are, but in their fifties, and I realized that we look like that, more or less. They were nice looking, well-dressed, and the man had white hair, but as it often happens, it's a bit of a shock to get a glimpse of what you must look like to the rest of the world. (This is the idea behind the secret footage and the 360-degree mirror on What Not To Wear, but I digress.)
So, at that moment, reality sank in. I am fifty years old. I am part of An Older Couple. Not much I can do about it, but there it is. And it's okay.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
On a Life Well-Lived
So why is my blog named this? This is simply my life's ambition. I hope that, when I get to the end, I can feel that my life has been well-lived. For me, I think that will be enough.
I guess I'm waxing nostalgic because this is the year when I will become an empty-nester. My eldest child is married, the middle one is engaged, and my youngest will go off to college in the fall. I used to believe that I'd be ecstatic at this time, and ready to take on the world once more, but I'm not. I feel adrift in an alien sea, again, as I did when I first became a mom 24 years ago.
Only now I'm much more uncertain and actually, kind of fragile. I have kids out there who are good and wonderful people, but they are still capable of making huge, life-altering mistakes. I've seen friends who don't deserve it get sick and die. I've stared a life-threatening illness in the face. I've seen other friends go through horrid, nasty divorces. I've questioned my values, motives, and decisions. I've seen my parents age and grow progressively more incapable and unhappy. I've realized that I can't fix everything--and thankfully, that it's not my job to do so!
So what will I do with the next half of my life? I am not forcing myself to decide right now, but I firmly believe that when I do look for the answer to that question, I'll be provided with the inspiration and guidance from above that I need--and that this wonderful, messy, sorrowful, joyful experience will add up to something of value: a life that's been good and well-lived.
I guess I'm waxing nostalgic because this is the year when I will become an empty-nester. My eldest child is married, the middle one is engaged, and my youngest will go off to college in the fall. I used to believe that I'd be ecstatic at this time, and ready to take on the world once more, but I'm not. I feel adrift in an alien sea, again, as I did when I first became a mom 24 years ago.
Only now I'm much more uncertain and actually, kind of fragile. I have kids out there who are good and wonderful people, but they are still capable of making huge, life-altering mistakes. I've seen friends who don't deserve it get sick and die. I've stared a life-threatening illness in the face. I've seen other friends go through horrid, nasty divorces. I've questioned my values, motives, and decisions. I've seen my parents age and grow progressively more incapable and unhappy. I've realized that I can't fix everything--and thankfully, that it's not my job to do so!
So what will I do with the next half of my life? I am not forcing myself to decide right now, but I firmly believe that when I do look for the answer to that question, I'll be provided with the inspiration and guidance from above that I need--and that this wonderful, messy, sorrowful, joyful experience will add up to something of value: a life that's been good and well-lived.
A Life Well-Lived
Although I am a professional writer, I had never thought I had the time to create a blog, but I have found that there are many others whose blogs are quite wonderful, witty and thought-provoking. So here I am, sending my own musings out into the ether. I hope that I can say something interesting to someone besides myself.
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