Forgiveness

My mother is nearly 83 and her health is failing. She cannot walk more than a few steps with a walker, and she spends most of her time in bed. My father waits on her constantly, fixes all of her meals, does all of the shopping and cleaning, and schleps her to various doctors.

I live two thousand miles away, therefore I cannot do much except talk on the phone. I try to make it out to see my parents at least twice a year, but I have work obligations and a child still at home. My sister lives there, and her kids are grown, but she works full-time. She does what she can, but she, and I, still carry a lot of resentment for the way we were treated as children, and the way our mother continues to treat us.

Mom is a perfectionist and highly controlling. For example, she chewed me out recently because my married son, age 24, was wearing a pair of jeans with the knees blown out when he went to see her one day. I laughed, and asked her if she had followed me around to check out my clothing when I was 24. Of course she did not, but because, "I didn't have to," implying that she had taught her own children better manners!

Unfortunately issues like this come up all the time. Both my sister and I have endured decades of spiteful, nasty carping over things that really do not matter very much. I have told Mom point-blank that her scolding and complaints are not winning friends or influencing people, but nothing changes.

What it boils down to is whether or not I can forgive my mother for her hurtful behavior. My job is to love and honor my parents, no matter how difficult that gets. It is easier now, that I am a mature adult who has raised children herself, and my strong religious beliefs indeed require me to forgive. It is also clear to me that most people "know not what they do" when offense is given or taken. They are doing the best that they can, and all deserve our love and goodwill.

Forgiveness does much more for the person extending it than for the person receiving it. Forgiveness humbles the spirit, and therefore elevates it. Forgiveness is not easy, and I have found that it requires a lot of prayer and a loving heart, but it also brings us spiritually closer to God and Jesus Christ than anything else.