The Honeymoon is Over

With my new car, that is. We bought a Hyundai Sonata nine months ago, and we liked it--until Saturday, when I went to a friend's for a baby shower. When I got into it, it would not start.

Not a problem with the battery, not a problem with my key fob. It has a push-button starter--right there you multiply your problems, because you rely on electronics to start the car. Roadside assistance sent a tow truck and back it went to the dealership. They diagnosed it with a problem in the brake. You have to be pressing on the brake when you hit the starter. It somehow miscommunicated with the starter, and I guess it didn't know I was pressing on the brake.

Oh, well.

The other problem that has me more than a bit perturbed is that the driver's side seat is showing signs of wear. Now, these seats are supposed to be leather. The portion that is showing the wear is definitely not leather; it's vinyl. I showed it to the guy at the dealership and made it quite clear that this is not acceptable. I would expect it at 100,000 miles, not 10,000. Since we keep our cars to about 160,000, I need a seat that will hold up. And no, I should not have to put covers on it!

Wow, so much for my theme.

Countdown to a Wedding!

Wow. Less than a week until my youngest is married. I can't believe that she's old enough to take this step!

I love October. I'm glad she is getting married this month. My other two have July anniversaries. My birthday is in October, and I love Halloween. This is just one more thing to love about this month.

My daughter is so happy. She will be a beautiful, radiant bride. It's such fun to plan a wedding when there's happy anticipation for everyone.

Surprising myself, I decided to do the wedding flowers with artificial ones. They turned out surprisingly well, especially Meredith's bouquet, which features tiny photo frames with other family women. Mom, mother-in-law, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, sisters, sisters-in-law, all are in there. I bought tiny frames, my husband and son shrank the photos, and I glued and wired stems to each frame and added it to the bouquet. Meredith also added some little trinkets that were special for her. I used artificial roses, buds, and peonies with lemon leaves and phony hydrangea leaves from the bridesmaids' bouquets. I also made boutonnieres and a corsage. The little flower girl will have a yellow calla lily bouquet and a freshwater pearl bracelet made by yours truly.

I am in a rush to get my house looking decent before the in-laws come over for the reception here after the wedding. My windows are disgraceful--but I don't know if we will get to them before we leave. I hate doing the windows. I always break a nail pulling out the storm windows or the screens. However, I think I will have to do at least the four in the living room and the three in the kitchen, just so it looks like I'm a good housekeeper!

The Shape of Mercy

Yesterday, I finished a wonderful book, The Shape of Mercy, by Susan Meissner. The story involved a wealthy, privileged contemporary young woman transcribing a 300-year-old diary of a girl, Mercy, accused of witchcraft at Salem. The story moves between her first-person account about doing the transcription and Mercy's first-person account of her life and the accusations in Salem.

Its main theme is judgement--how we all are biased and make judgements about other people, often not knowing any facts or taking any thought about the other person's experience. I try hard not to do this; a book influenced me greatly so that I could take it to the next level: Bonds that Make us Free, by C. Terry Warner. I have been re-reading another book by Warner's Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception. Kind of a simplistic read, but very enlightening nonetheless.

Of course, it's no accident that the accused girl is named Mercy in the first book. Judgement and mercy. I was brought up in a very judgemental atmosphere, and there was not a lot said about mercy. It's been difficult turning my back on that behavior, but I believe in mercy. Mostly because I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and His mercy toward us all. I certainly need it.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

If only I could find a way to really love myself.

I have my moments, to be sure, when I feel the Spirit and all is right with the world. I definitely feel better when I am eating properly, accomplishing things, and of course, saying my prayers and reading my scriptures. But all too often, I find myself dwelling on my shortcomings rather than my assets.

Today we discussed talents in Relief Society. The teacher used a great analogy with a five-dollar bill. She asked us if we wanted it--of course we did. Then she crumpled it up, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it, and of course we still wanted it. That is because regardless of its condition or treatment, it still has value.

As do we. And it doesn't matter what our value is: we still have it. I know that I have talents, but I also seem to have more than my share of problems, sometimes. I have the exercise thing down, for now, but I have messed up on the eating thing, to the point that I am physically uncomfortable. You'd think that would be enough incentive to get on the stick.

Time for me to go to the temple again. I love going there: it grounds me and gives me the strength to go on.

At One With

Yesterday I gave a talk in church on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Since it was Palm Sunday, I concentrated on the entrance of Christ into the city of Jerusalem and what he did over the next few days, culminating in his agony in Gethsemane, where he performed the Atonement.

To prepare for this, I took out Jesus the Christ, by James Talmadge, which I had never read before. I studied and really thought about the events of that Passover evening, now known as Maundy Thursday. Christ and the apostles were in an upper room of a home, had the meal, and Jesus introduced the sacrament. Something I'd never noticed before was that the apostles were contending about the seating arrangements and their precedence. Christ put a stop to that, emphasizing that regardless of a person's rank, service to others is the more important value.

In the United States, we believe in equality, not in rank. While we honor the President and other public servants, we don't believe in divine right, as they do/did in Europe. We are all God's children, who kept our first estate and deserve respect as such--even the wino on Skid Row. Our character, behavior, works and service are what determine our eventual rank in the Kingdom. Self-righteousness and pride have no place in our lives.

The word "atonement" means "at one with." We have the opportunity to be at one with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ if we choose to humble ourselves and strive to serve Him and our fellow man. Christ showed us the way. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"

Eat, Pray, Love

Five years have now passed since I was diagnosed and treated for cancer.

Five years.

And I am okay. I didn't even notice when March 20th came and went--the day I got the news five years ago.

Everyone expects to learn something from such a hardship. I don't think I learned anything, really, except that cancer really sucks and there are a lot of people affected by it--in most cases far worse than I.

I have received miracles and answers to prayer. I am learning that life doesn't necessarily get easier, but the miracle is that we are so loved by God and other people. I am grateful for dear husband, who loves and supports me unconditionally. And I am okay. It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to fail sometimes, as long as we get up, make the amends we need to make, and get busy again.

I want to eat well. I want to pray sincerely. I want to love deeply and wholly. Most of all, I want to bless the lives of those around me.

Field of Dreams

I watched the movie "Field of Dreams" tonight. I had never seen it before, though I knew the basic story. A man, whose father died before he could make amends, hears voices telling him to build a baseball field in the middle of his Iowa cornfield. He then begins to get visits from long-dead baseball stars, who come to play in his field.

At one point, he makes contact with a (dead) doctor whose dreams of becoming a baseball player were thwarted after only one inning of a major league game. The doctor ends up on the playing field as a young man, and actually gets to hit and run the bases. But then the daughter of the farmer falls off the bleachers. She is unconscious. The young ballplayer crosses over to her, becomes the old doctor again, and loses his opportunity to play in the field. However, he served a long life as the doctor in a small town, serving his fellow men. It's clear that though he had a dream, he chose a different path, and in so doing chose the better part.

Someone asked me what my dreams were a few weeks ago. It has made me think about what I have done, and still have left to do, with my life. I am coming to a grand turning point. Did I choose the better part? Was my true calling to be a good wife and mother? I'm not a famous author, newscaster, or actress.

But, yes, I have chosen the better part. Seductive as the things and accolades of the world are, they are not as important as performing the necessary tasks of life as well as we possibly can. How can I not be grateful for my life, my family, God, and the opportunities of ordinary mortality?

Weaknesses of the Human Body

Ugh. I feel like a prisoner in my body lately.

Why, do you ask? Because I have a sinus infection/cold, headaches along with it, and a problem with my left hip flexor that looks like tendonitis. I am also experiencing symptoms of perimenopause--which is NO FUN. Let alone that pesky 15 pounds I just can't seem to lose.

I know bodies are a trial to a great extent--we need to overcome their natural tendencies (to eat too much, sleep too much, and if you're not a practicing Mormon like me, to drink too much) and of course to overcome the flaws in our personalities--which often are linked with our bodies' problems, such as hormonal mood swings that cause irritability. Yes, unfortunately, I know a bit about that.

It's hard to know just how much is physical and how much is mental when it comes to health. I don't have any answers; I do have a dear friend who is a Christian Scientist who, in spite of the usual problems, seems to sail through life with a very positive attitude and is pretty healthy.

Whoever said getting old is not for wimps got it right. An aging body is full of not-so-great surprises. Oh well.