Relevancy and Redundancy

In the British TV show "One Foot in the Grave," the main character, Victor Meldrew, an older man, is forcibly retired from his job-"redundant," they call it.

I am beginning to understand the reason older people seem to endlessly discuss their past triumphs. They seek to remain relevant in a world that, increasingly, does not need them. I think that is why a lot of people do not retire--they want to feel a part of things.

So what is my function now? I feel increasingly irrelevant. Sure, I do things for my husband and family, but they do not necessarily need me as they once did. I no longer work outside the home, either. What function do I fulfill?

Every week when I talk to my dad, we have the same conversation. He bitterly decries the downfall of society--a place he no longer recognizes. My sister got him some kind of an electronic tablet for Christmas--he asked her for a manual to learn how to use it. There is no such thing as a manual--you go online for tutorials. This, from the man who dragged his boss, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century when he convinced him to buy a computer back in the late sixties. I suppose I am headed for a similar fate.

Fortunately, the Church has a program for older people to keep on serving. I can do volunteer work, help those in my ward, and work in the Temple. I hope those things fill the hollow place where my mother-busy life once was.

Love Thy Neighbor

On Christmas we attended church with our son, Ethan, and his (pregnant) wife, Sarah. They attend a rather small branch in, of all places, Orem, Utah. There are a few older people in the branch, and a gray-haired gentleman spoke that day.

It's rare that a particular comment really sticks with me, but one thing this man said did: "The Lord is just as interested in the happiness and well-being of your neighbors as he is in yours."

Wow.

Now, I do try to love my neighbors. I believe benevolence, kindness, and tolerance are due to every one of God's children, unless he or she is threatening my life or someone else's. But we human beings tend to be pretty self-centered. I'm pretty wrapped up in my own problems and concerns, happiness being one of them. Still, I think I am generally loving toward my fellow man; I certainly believe in working to make others feel loved and valued. Even so, this succinct statement jolted me into really putting myself into others' shoes. I'm not really so special that the Lord loves me better than anyone else, even my neighbors with cranky tendencies.

Lifting our eyes from our own navels is something we need to do now and then. As we study the life of the prophet George Albert Smith this year, who truly embodied love for one's fellow men, I hope to increase my service and love toward others.

The Honeymoon is Over

With my new car, that is. We bought a Hyundai Sonata nine months ago, and we liked it--until Saturday, when I went to a friend's for a baby shower. When I got into it, it would not start.

Not a problem with the battery, not a problem with my key fob. It has a push-button starter--right there you multiply your problems, because you rely on electronics to start the car. Roadside assistance sent a tow truck and back it went to the dealership. They diagnosed it with a problem in the brake. You have to be pressing on the brake when you hit the starter. It somehow miscommunicated with the starter, and I guess it didn't know I was pressing on the brake.

Oh, well.

The other problem that has me more than a bit perturbed is that the driver's side seat is showing signs of wear. Now, these seats are supposed to be leather. The portion that is showing the wear is definitely not leather; it's vinyl. I showed it to the guy at the dealership and made it quite clear that this is not acceptable. I would expect it at 100,000 miles, not 10,000. Since we keep our cars to about 160,000, I need a seat that will hold up. And no, I should not have to put covers on it!

Wow, so much for my theme.

Countdown to a Wedding!

Wow. Less than a week until my youngest is married. I can't believe that she's old enough to take this step!

I love October. I'm glad she is getting married this month. My other two have July anniversaries. My birthday is in October, and I love Halloween. This is just one more thing to love about this month.

My daughter is so happy. She will be a beautiful, radiant bride. It's such fun to plan a wedding when there's happy anticipation for everyone.

Surprising myself, I decided to do the wedding flowers with artificial ones. They turned out surprisingly well, especially Meredith's bouquet, which features tiny photo frames with other family women. Mom, mother-in-law, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, sisters, sisters-in-law, all are in there. I bought tiny frames, my husband and son shrank the photos, and I glued and wired stems to each frame and added it to the bouquet. Meredith also added some little trinkets that were special for her. I used artificial roses, buds, and peonies with lemon leaves and phony hydrangea leaves from the bridesmaids' bouquets. I also made boutonnieres and a corsage. The little flower girl will have a yellow calla lily bouquet and a freshwater pearl bracelet made by yours truly.

I am in a rush to get my house looking decent before the in-laws come over for the reception here after the wedding. My windows are disgraceful--but I don't know if we will get to them before we leave. I hate doing the windows. I always break a nail pulling out the storm windows or the screens. However, I think I will have to do at least the four in the living room and the three in the kitchen, just so it looks like I'm a good housekeeper!

The Shape of Mercy

Yesterday, I finished a wonderful book, The Shape of Mercy, by Susan Meissner. The story involved a wealthy, privileged contemporary young woman transcribing a 300-year-old diary of a girl, Mercy, accused of witchcraft at Salem. The story moves between her first-person account about doing the transcription and Mercy's first-person account of her life and the accusations in Salem.

Its main theme is judgement--how we all are biased and make judgements about other people, often not knowing any facts or taking any thought about the other person's experience. I try hard not to do this; a book influenced me greatly so that I could take it to the next level: Bonds that Make us Free, by C. Terry Warner. I have been re-reading another book by Warner's Arbinger Institute, Leadership and Self-Deception. Kind of a simplistic read, but very enlightening nonetheless.

Of course, it's no accident that the accused girl is named Mercy in the first book. Judgement and mercy. I was brought up in a very judgemental atmosphere, and there was not a lot said about mercy. It's been difficult turning my back on that behavior, but I believe in mercy. Mostly because I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and His mercy toward us all. I certainly need it.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

If only I could find a way to really love myself.

I have my moments, to be sure, when I feel the Spirit and all is right with the world. I definitely feel better when I am eating properly, accomplishing things, and of course, saying my prayers and reading my scriptures. But all too often, I find myself dwelling on my shortcomings rather than my assets.

Today we discussed talents in Relief Society. The teacher used a great analogy with a five-dollar bill. She asked us if we wanted it--of course we did. Then she crumpled it up, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it, and of course we still wanted it. That is because regardless of its condition or treatment, it still has value.

As do we. And it doesn't matter what our value is: we still have it. I know that I have talents, but I also seem to have more than my share of problems, sometimes. I have the exercise thing down, for now, but I have messed up on the eating thing, to the point that I am physically uncomfortable. You'd think that would be enough incentive to get on the stick.

Time for me to go to the temple again. I love going there: it grounds me and gives me the strength to go on.

At One With

Yesterday I gave a talk in church on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Since it was Palm Sunday, I concentrated on the entrance of Christ into the city of Jerusalem and what he did over the next few days, culminating in his agony in Gethsemane, where he performed the Atonement.

To prepare for this, I took out Jesus the Christ, by James Talmadge, which I had never read before. I studied and really thought about the events of that Passover evening, now known as Maundy Thursday. Christ and the apostles were in an upper room of a home, had the meal, and Jesus introduced the sacrament. Something I'd never noticed before was that the apostles were contending about the seating arrangements and their precedence. Christ put a stop to that, emphasizing that regardless of a person's rank, service to others is the more important value.

In the United States, we believe in equality, not in rank. While we honor the President and other public servants, we don't believe in divine right, as they do/did in Europe. We are all God's children, who kept our first estate and deserve respect as such--even the wino on Skid Row. Our character, behavior, works and service are what determine our eventual rank in the Kingdom. Self-righteousness and pride have no place in our lives.

The word "atonement" means "at one with." We have the opportunity to be at one with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ if we choose to humble ourselves and strive to serve Him and our fellow man. Christ showed us the way. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"