One Day at at Time

I take diet pills. I do this because I am addicted to sugar. Just this morning, I ate four donuts for breakfast, along with my usual green smoothie and a bowl of cereal with skim milk and blueberries.

All the pills do, really, is take the edge off my hunger. I still have to follow a diet plan. For me, that is about 1100 calories per day.

I do not get much exercise. It is something I truly dislike. I go to yoga class a couple of times a week, and a few years ago I did some work with a personal trainer, but for some reason I have been unable, though I have been trying for over 40 years, to break the back of this addiction.

So, I see a therapist who specializes in this problem twice a month, and a bariatric doctor once a month. I have not lost any weight for two months, largely because this time of year I am confronted with goodies at every turn, and because I am working full-time, I am soothing myself with food.

The thing with sugar addition is that food must be eaten. You can avoid drugs and alcohol, but you need to eat. I love to eat. I love carbs. I love curling up on the couch and reading, or watching TV and knitting.

So many people seem to love exercise! I know its benefits. I used to exercise more. However, with working full-time now, which I have done for a couple of years, I simply do not have the energy nor the inclination to do it.

However, a larger problem is that I hate myself for this weakness. I read an article earlier this week about having compassion for oneself. It really resonated, as I beat myself up constantly for every single wrong thing I have done my entire life--and it's a long list. I know God forgives me for my sins. Can I forgive myself?

Alcoholics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous use the phrase, "One day at a time." It's harder to implement than it sounds. Am I enough? Do I deserve my own compassion? Can I overcome this weakness?