Grief

Grief is the unspeakable sorrow that results from a tragic experience.

We have kind of a weird relationship with grief. We really don't know how to deal with it or how to help someone else deal with it, despite the proliferation of so-called "grief counselors" today.

Most of the time, we think of grief in relation to a death, but we can grieve for other reasons.

I am grieving right now for unfulfilled dreams and expectations, and the spiritual death of a child. It is hard. I feel I have no one who can help me. I pray, but my expectations of succor and comfort are not met. I really don't even know what those expectations are. I grieve the non-appearance of a miracle that I desperately hoped for. I grieve for what I may not have done right earlier in my life. I grieve for people I know who are experience excruciating heartache, the uncertainty of job loss, and terminal illness. I grieve the loss of my youth and optimism. I feel grief for the diminishing strength of my physical body.

I know that grief is another of the refiner's fires, that without the bitter things in life, I cannot appreciate the sweet. But I have been tasting the bitter for a long time now. I don't find many sweet things these days.

Tomorrow morning, I will pull myself out of bed once again, find the things to be thankful for in the day, and I will seek to help others and fulfill my responsibilities.

But for now, I grieve.