The Benefit of the Doubt

I absolutely do not believe that the vast majority of people have malicious intentions toward others. Yet, some people I know are certain that others wish them ill and are actively out to get them. (I recently learned that this is called "Fundamental Attribution Errors." People erroneously attribute ill will to others while excusing their own mistakes with things like, "Well, I was stressed," or tired, or ill, etc.)

For example, the other morning I was watching Sunday Morning with my dad. They featured a story about an L.A. cop who has never, ever, had a complaint lodged against him. This is unheard-of. So they interviewed the guy and watched him handing out traffic tickets.

His attitude was one of kindness and respect and safety. He set up a win-win situation with those he was fining for breaking the law! The drivers liked him, because he didn't try to order them around, shame them, or create an adversarial relationship with them. He gave them the benefit of the doubt. And isn't that how we all want to be treated?

So if the Golden Rule says "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," why don't more people give others the same benefit of the doubt? Why do they ascribe sinister motives to someone else, look for reasons to take offense, and allow this to make them angry?

I've been reading a book called The Power, by Rhonda Byrne, who also wrote The Secret. While they are new-age and kind of smarmy and simplistic, the message is: Love. Love is the most positive force in the universe, and as we express it toward everyone and everything, we bring it to ourselves. This is essentially the same message delivered in a more thoughtful and sophisticated way in Bonds that Make us Free. Christ teaches us to love one another--no matter what. We need to worry less about our own needs being met, and reach out to meet the needs of others.

My dear late mother truly believed that the only thing that mattered was the way she treated people, and it didn't matter what she thought of them. I disagree. We need to send positive, benevolent thoughts and behaviors to everyone, regardless of how they treat us. I believe that as we think, so are we. If we are positive and happy, it positively affects others, and don't we love being around positive, happy people?

This is not easy, but it is absolutely necessary.