The Loss of Humble Skills

I came of age just after the New Feminism (ushered in by Betty Friedan's "The Feminine Mystique," the Pill, and early-seventies consciousness-raising) had its heyday. So I still experienced traditional home economics classes in junior high (the boys took shop classes). We had a semester of sewing and a semester of cooking. Enough to at least learn to get by in the kitchen and to make a basic skirt and blouse.

At the same time, raised by a working mother, I swallowed hook, line, and sinker the idea that to be a true success, a woman must have a Meaningful Career. And I thought I wanted that, until I had a child. Suddenly, someone else's well-being was more important than mine. I necessarily slammed the door shut on my own professional ambitions.

Unfortunately, the situation has worsened over the intervening 30 years. Now, more women than men graduate from college, and they are bound and determined to use those degrees to live lavishly and build up stock portfolios and 401(k)s.

This is not necessarily a good thing.

We have raised a generation of women who, in pursuing careers as being morally superior to any other option, do not know how to cook, clean, or raise children. Men too have suffered; they cannot do simple wiring or building construction, or even change the oil in their own cars. Blue-collar work is frowned upon, regarded as the last resort of the redneck or the immigrant.

True homemaking has been replaced with doing crafts and heating up frozen foods--though occasionally elaborate desserts are made from scratch. The maid does the floors; I have seen even t-shirts in protective plastic bags awaiting their owners at the dry cleaner. Kids go from the daycare center to the school, then to sports or other classes. All yard work is hired out; the car goes to the dealership for everything.

Does anyone besides me think this is dangerous? Does anyone else realize that when a parent puts work first, her child gets the message that work is more important than he is? That you can't give your best to both your family and your career? That being able to take care of one's own belongings and dwelling are important life skills?

Women, I suggest you go home. Learn to live with, and on, less. Discover the joy in caring for your family and your husband to a higher degree. Slow down. Enjoy growing a few flowers or sewing some curtains. Fix a family meal from scratch--no microwave needed. Make your home an oasis of calm in a hectic world, instead of one more hectic place where everyone just stops for a change of clothes.