Jesus Loves Me, This I Know

If only I could find a way to really love myself.

I have my moments, to be sure, when I feel the Spirit and all is right with the world. I definitely feel better when I am eating properly, accomplishing things, and of course, saying my prayers and reading my scriptures. But all too often, I find myself dwelling on my shortcomings rather than my assets.

Today we discussed talents in Relief Society. The teacher used a great analogy with a five-dollar bill. She asked us if we wanted it--of course we did. Then she crumpled it up, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it, and of course we still wanted it. That is because regardless of its condition or treatment, it still has value.

As do we. And it doesn't matter what our value is: we still have it. I know that I have talents, but I also seem to have more than my share of problems, sometimes. I have the exercise thing down, for now, but I have messed up on the eating thing, to the point that I am physically uncomfortable. You'd think that would be enough incentive to get on the stick.

Time for me to go to the temple again. I love going there: it grounds me and gives me the strength to go on.

At One With

Yesterday I gave a talk in church on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Since it was Palm Sunday, I concentrated on the entrance of Christ into the city of Jerusalem and what he did over the next few days, culminating in his agony in Gethsemane, where he performed the Atonement.

To prepare for this, I took out Jesus the Christ, by James Talmadge, which I had never read before. I studied and really thought about the events of that Passover evening, now known as Maundy Thursday. Christ and the apostles were in an upper room of a home, had the meal, and Jesus introduced the sacrament. Something I'd never noticed before was that the apostles were contending about the seating arrangements and their precedence. Christ put a stop to that, emphasizing that regardless of a person's rank, service to others is the more important value.

In the United States, we believe in equality, not in rank. While we honor the President and other public servants, we don't believe in divine right, as they do/did in Europe. We are all God's children, who kept our first estate and deserve respect as such--even the wino on Skid Row. Our character, behavior, works and service are what determine our eventual rank in the Kingdom. Self-righteousness and pride have no place in our lives.

The word "atonement" means "at one with." We have the opportunity to be at one with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ if we choose to humble ourselves and strive to serve Him and our fellow man. Christ showed us the way. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?"

Eat, Pray, Love

Five years have now passed since I was diagnosed and treated for cancer.

Five years.

And I am okay. I didn't even notice when March 20th came and went--the day I got the news five years ago.

Everyone expects to learn something from such a hardship. I don't think I learned anything, really, except that cancer really sucks and there are a lot of people affected by it--in most cases far worse than I.

I have received miracles and answers to prayer. I am learning that life doesn't necessarily get easier, but the miracle is that we are so loved by God and other people. I am grateful for dear husband, who loves and supports me unconditionally. And I am okay. It's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to fail sometimes, as long as we get up, make the amends we need to make, and get busy again.

I want to eat well. I want to pray sincerely. I want to love deeply and wholly. Most of all, I want to bless the lives of those around me.

Field of Dreams

I watched the movie "Field of Dreams" tonight. I had never seen it before, though I knew the basic story. A man, whose father died before he could make amends, hears voices telling him to build a baseball field in the middle of his Iowa cornfield. He then begins to get visits from long-dead baseball stars, who come to play in his field.

At one point, he makes contact with a (dead) doctor whose dreams of becoming a baseball player were thwarted after only one inning of a major league game. The doctor ends up on the playing field as a young man, and actually gets to hit and run the bases. But then the daughter of the farmer falls off the bleachers. She is unconscious. The young ballplayer crosses over to her, becomes the old doctor again, and loses his opportunity to play in the field. However, he served a long life as the doctor in a small town, serving his fellow men. It's clear that though he had a dream, he chose a different path, and in so doing chose the better part.

Someone asked me what my dreams were a few weeks ago. It has made me think about what I have done, and still have left to do, with my life. I am coming to a grand turning point. Did I choose the better part? Was my true calling to be a good wife and mother? I'm not a famous author, newscaster, or actress.

But, yes, I have chosen the better part. Seductive as the things and accolades of the world are, they are not as important as performing the necessary tasks of life as well as we possibly can. How can I not be grateful for my life, my family, God, and the opportunities of ordinary mortality?

Weaknesses of the Human Body

Ugh. I feel like a prisoner in my body lately.

Why, do you ask? Because I have a sinus infection/cold, headaches along with it, and a problem with my left hip flexor that looks like tendonitis. I am also experiencing symptoms of perimenopause--which is NO FUN. Let alone that pesky 15 pounds I just can't seem to lose.

I know bodies are a trial to a great extent--we need to overcome their natural tendencies (to eat too much, sleep too much, and if you're not a practicing Mormon like me, to drink too much) and of course to overcome the flaws in our personalities--which often are linked with our bodies' problems, such as hormonal mood swings that cause irritability. Yes, unfortunately, I know a bit about that.

It's hard to know just how much is physical and how much is mental when it comes to health. I don't have any answers; I do have a dear friend who is a Christian Scientist who, in spite of the usual problems, seems to sail through life with a very positive attitude and is pretty healthy.

Whoever said getting old is not for wimps got it right. An aging body is full of not-so-great surprises. Oh well.

Repondez, s'il vous plait!

Sports fans, the title of this blog is no mistake. It is the exhortation to please respond. Not that I am asking you to respond to me; I am asking you to respond to your potential hosts or hostesses!

Really! Pick up the phone or send a note or an email with either your regrets or acceptance to his or her soiree! It's not that hard, people, and your hostess wants you to do it so she may plan accordingly.

It's just not optional. If the host puts R.s.v.p. on the invitation, for crying out loud, respond! Even if he doesn't put it on, respond anyway! Help the poor individual who is trying, against a mighty social tide of indifference, to entertain you and share your company.

And while we're at it, only the people to whom an invitation is addressed are the invited parties! From time to time, if you have an extra houseguest and your potential host is a close friend, you may ask if your extra person may be included. But don't substitute your kid for your husband if he can't make it, or bring your kids with you when their names are not included on an invitation. And don't ask. If your hostess meant for your kids to come, she would have included "and family" or their names on the invitation.

Finally, send a thank-you note when you have partaken of someone's hospitality. You do not always have to bring a hostess gift, expecially when you are not staying overnight, but a nice bread-and-butter note is always a nice surprise and greatly appreciated. And it should go without saying that you send a note in thanks for a gift.

Sigh.

Travel is Broadening

We succumbed to the lure of the Caribbean cruise, and spent a week on a ship to celebrate our 30th anniversary later this month.

I felt the facility left something to be desired (none too clean and almost every piece of upholstery needed redoing; food was mediocre) but I enjoyed the ports of call.

It is very clear to me why people in Central America and Mexico want to live in America illegally. Even the worst slum I have seen in this country hardly compares to a lot of the living conditions in Belize. We saw some Mayan ruins there, and to get there took a long bus ride on a narrow, very bumpy road. There were a few nice homes, but most people lived in corrugated iron shacks with no window glass. The area near the docks was okay, but again, nothing compared to Florida or California, or even Cozumel, Mexico.

Guatemala is a beautiful country, but again people lived in relative squalor. There are no true sand beaches there that I saw, but it is very green and hilly. They have a great shipping industry, too, so I hope the commerce there will eventually raise the standard of living.

The Americans on the cruise were very obese. It was amazing--I have never been around so many fat people at once in my life. It was possible to eat very healthfully on the cruise, but it was also possible to eat a lot of junk--including cheap ice cream, cookies, and bland, tasteless desserts. The best dessert I had was a dish of raspberry sherbet.

There was a lot of hard selling of jewelry and art--and only some of these things were truly worth buying. There were some Picassos and Ertes and even a couple of Peter Max paintings, but a lot of it was very pedestrian, including the Painter of Schmaltz, Thomas Kincaid.

Cozumel was very tourist-trap, but a lot of fun. We had a fantastic lunch at a restaurant called Pancho's Backyard. Best taquitos with guacamole and salsa I've ever had.

The key lime pie on Key West was surprisingly underwhelming. My own is better!

Wes drank Cokes in every country to compare them. Yes, there is a Coca-Cola bottling company in Belize!

Nice to come home, though. It was fun, diverting and broadening (and we bracketed the trip with trips to the Disney resorts and Downtown Disney, which was, as always, lots of fun) but now it's time to get down to business for Christmas!