Choosing Happiness

Abraham Lincoln said once that "a man is just about as happy as he decides to be." My paraphrase, anyway. And recently I have had this truth brought home to me.

I had a long conversation with someone that made me realize that holding on to the myriad past hurts and offenses we inevitably experience in life is unbelievably damaging and completely robs one of happiness. And it was clear to me that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is called the "plan of happiness" for a reason. As we choose to model our lives after that of Christ, to look for the good in others, to respect them as children of God as we ourselves are, to allow them their choices for good or ill, without judgment, and to give ourselves over to love and light, we do better. We are happy. We are comfortable in our own skin.

I had heard of the book, The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, on a television show. I hadn't read it, but I proposed it for our book group to read and we chose it. So I am reading it now.

Rubin takes a year of her life to improve her own happiness--which, she discovers, means to exercise more self-discipline in every area of her life, to choose the better way. We members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints know this already, but it's interesting to gain the perspective of another person and see the specific things she did and learn the reasons for her choosing them. Now, the shortcut is to simply live the gospel of Jesus Christ, but that's more easily said than done!

My conversation with that sad, angry, resentful person made me so grateful for the ability I have cultivated, through long hard practice, of letting go of the things I can do nothing about, to forgive those who have hurt me, however inadvertently or deliberately, and to enjoy the present. No, life is not perfect! But embracing the beauty with all its imperfection is still the happiest way to live.

I have often searched for perfect leaves in the fall to press and display. It's nearly impossible to find a single leaf that is perfectly symmetrical, evenly colored, and without spot. I usually can't find one, and so I choose what I consider to be the best color, or best shape, and abandon the idea of a perfect one. But if you look at the whole--the gorgeous trees in all their blazing fall colors--the landscape is so incredibly beautiful it brings tears to your eyes. Yet, among those millions and millions of leaves, barely one is perfect. And it doesn't matter to the view one bit.

Yesterday was December first, the beginning of the end of the year. I feel I have come to a major turning point in my life. It's far different than I have experienced before, for some reason. I think it may be hormonal--my post-menopause body is settling in, and although I don't like the dry skin, wrinkles, and thickened waist, the reprieve from the hormonal stew is welcome.

But that is not the only thing that has contributed to the changes. This past year has been one of difficult growth. I have suffered emotionally more than I ever thought possible, and I am suffering physically as well, with a chronic back problem that simply has to be managed rather than cured.

I have also spent a huge amount of money traveling back and forth to Utah, which I would have preferred to spend on a new kitchen! The year I chose to quit working and write only! And my dishwasher is broken! (To be fair, it is over 10 years old.)

The combination of this list of difficulties and disappointments would have sent me into a depressed spiral years ago, and I would have gone running for meds to try to hang on. Not that I didn't feel like this from time to time this past year. However, I realized yesterday, as I drove home from a friend's house, listening to Christmas songs on the car radio, that I am very happy, just as I am. As happy as I have ever been.

Somehow, in some way, I have learned to choose happiness rather than to dwell on the negative. Not that those thoughts don't come; they do, but I can banish them now and move on with more ease.

I know that not everyone has to come to my stage in life to understand all these things. This has been my journey only. Do I wish I'd been able to feel this way twenty years ago? Absolutely! I would and could have done a lot of things better and felt much happier. But this has been my imperfect journey, and I am grateful for it. There's still much more to do, and I am lucky enough to be around to do it.