This year has been quite a doozy. I have had several friends pass away, which has been sad; all of them have died far too young. (I love and remember you, Rachel, Barbara, Dawn and Lynn.) I have traveled more this year than any other in my life: I have been to Utah twice, once driving; I have been to London, Las Vegas, and Nashville.
We also spent a great deal of money this year. Julie's wedding was wonderful, and by today's standards, not expensive, but it still cost a lot of cash. My dear daughter Meredith is a college freshman at an out-of-state institution, and we had to buy a new air conditioning system for our home, unexpectedly. Certainly the years we've bought houses and cars have essentially cost us more, but these were all cash layouts! At least you can finance a home or a car.
Finally, we have an empty nest after 25 years of parenthood. That's both good and bad. I dearly miss my children, but we have lots of fond memories, our little "family lexicon," thick scrapbooks, and funny videos to share and reminisce over. This year has definitely had some major turning points.
Now, after over eight years at a local home decorating store I am losing my job. The store's lease is up, and the strip mall owners want to raise the rent considerably. The bottom line is that in our recessionary economy, the store would no longer be profitable. So eight people are out of jobs.
Some of us can go to other local company stores. I might consider that--I really enjoyed my job and got very good at it. Then again, I might consider other possibilities.
I feel very fortunate that my income is not necessary for our family to stay afloat. I have options: try expanding my freelance writing business; work for a temp agency, find a different job. Maybe I should find a government job, work five years and save all my money, then splurge on the facelift I will surely need by then!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Election Day
Today is election day--what many are calling the Most Important Election Ever. Well, maybe. A woman is running for the Republican vice-presidential spot, and a man of mixed race is running for president as a Democrat.
Frankly, I don't care what sex or race any of these people are. What I do care about is their philosophical position about the role of government. A lot of mud has been slung, and a lot of pandering to the masses has taken place. Because there has been a financial crisis (which people are blaming on the current Republican president, but it has been brewing for 15 or more years), I think that the Democrat is going to win. Americans are fickle that way. They think the opposite party will bring Change. What change, exactly, nobody can quite explain, but they postulate that change is good.
My fear, however, is that the Change that everyone is championing is larger, more intrusive, tax-and-spend government. Many are calling for more government regulation of the free market--which is what got us into problems with the mortgage industry in the first place. I fear government health care--which will be an unmitigated disaster in a country as large as ours. Except for the very wealthy, who will be able to afford private doctors, the quality of care will diminish because of the increased burden of everyone flocking to the doctor--after all, it's "free." I'd like to point out that Kaiser Permanente, which used to offer all services to their patients for "free" (except for their fixed monthly premiums) now charges a copay for each visit--a way of covering costs, true, but also to keep people from making frivolous visits.
So, Mr. or Mrs. Candidate, what do you think of the free market? What do you think the Founders were rebelling against when they wrote the Declaration of Independence? Hmm? Do you know enough history not to repeat it?
Frankly, I don't care what sex or race any of these people are. What I do care about is their philosophical position about the role of government. A lot of mud has been slung, and a lot of pandering to the masses has taken place. Because there has been a financial crisis (which people are blaming on the current Republican president, but it has been brewing for 15 or more years), I think that the Democrat is going to win. Americans are fickle that way. They think the opposite party will bring Change. What change, exactly, nobody can quite explain, but they postulate that change is good.
My fear, however, is that the Change that everyone is championing is larger, more intrusive, tax-and-spend government. Many are calling for more government regulation of the free market--which is what got us into problems with the mortgage industry in the first place. I fear government health care--which will be an unmitigated disaster in a country as large as ours. Except for the very wealthy, who will be able to afford private doctors, the quality of care will diminish because of the increased burden of everyone flocking to the doctor--after all, it's "free." I'd like to point out that Kaiser Permanente, which used to offer all services to their patients for "free" (except for their fixed monthly premiums) now charges a copay for each visit--a way of covering costs, true, but also to keep people from making frivolous visits.
So, Mr. or Mrs. Candidate, what do you think of the free market? What do you think the Founders were rebelling against when they wrote the Declaration of Independence? Hmm? Do you know enough history not to repeat it?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Cancer Awareness
October is my favorite month, especially here in Virginia. The trees are fantastic with all the colored leaves, the sky is a clear, sharp blue, and the air is crisp. It's time to switch to the fluffy down comforter, have fires in the fireplace, and wear my sweaters. Halloween is my favorite holiday, too.
Then the breast cancer people co-opted October. Now I'm bombarded with pink ribbons on everything and urged to donate to "breast cancer research." "Portions of proceeds" are donated, supposedly, when women buy stuff from crackers to socks to designer handbags.
Well, every day is Breast Cancer Awareness Day for me. I have three scars and five tattoos to show for it, not to mention a numb armpit and the side effects from radiation.
Don't get me wrong--I am absolutely not complaining. I was very fortunate to have a wonderful group of doctors taking care of me and excellent health insurance. I had a small cancer that was at a very early stage, and I never even had to spend a night in the hospital. Really, I did not let it interfere much with my life at all, and very few people know I even had it. I am very glad I was not subjected to a radical mastectomy, which was done in every case even as recently as 35 years ago--but, let's face it, the research which gave rise to less invasive procedures was conducted on women who already had breast cancer. That's not prevention research, or causal research, it's clinical trial research.
I just have to wonder--with all the walks, runs, outright donations and merchandise, exactly how much is this industry taking in for "research?" How much is actually being spent on time in the lab? And with this waterfall of funds, why hasn't more been discovered?
Frankly, if I never see a pink ribbon again, it will be too soon. (You can even have a Breast Cancer license plate in Virginia.) I feel I have donated enough to breast cancer, thank you very much.
Then the breast cancer people co-opted October. Now I'm bombarded with pink ribbons on everything and urged to donate to "breast cancer research." "Portions of proceeds" are donated, supposedly, when women buy stuff from crackers to socks to designer handbags.
Well, every day is Breast Cancer Awareness Day for me. I have three scars and five tattoos to show for it, not to mention a numb armpit and the side effects from radiation.
Don't get me wrong--I am absolutely not complaining. I was very fortunate to have a wonderful group of doctors taking care of me and excellent health insurance. I had a small cancer that was at a very early stage, and I never even had to spend a night in the hospital. Really, I did not let it interfere much with my life at all, and very few people know I even had it. I am very glad I was not subjected to a radical mastectomy, which was done in every case even as recently as 35 years ago--but, let's face it, the research which gave rise to less invasive procedures was conducted on women who already had breast cancer. That's not prevention research, or causal research, it's clinical trial research.
I just have to wonder--with all the walks, runs, outright donations and merchandise, exactly how much is this industry taking in for "research?" How much is actually being spent on time in the lab? And with this waterfall of funds, why hasn't more been discovered?
Frankly, if I never see a pink ribbon again, it will be too soon. (You can even have a Breast Cancer license plate in Virginia.) I feel I have donated enough to breast cancer, thank you very much.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Success, in a small thing
My daughter got married, and I hosted a group of virtual strangers in my home for a week. It was a lot of fun!
There were two babies, a five-year-old and a twelve-year-old. Various adults came and went. It was a pleasure to get to know them! I only hope they were comfortable here. Of course, my son and daughter-in-law were here for ten days. My daughter-in-law is a terrific person. I could not have done it without her help. She is a brilliant manager and knows just how to deal with a lot of different types of people. She really helped out with my younger daughter, who could sound off to her big sister and get the sympathetic ear she needed.
Of course, I did a lot of cooking, cleaning, and shopping, just to keep people fed! We went through a lot of Lucky Charms cereal. We hosted dinner at our neighborhood pool a couple of nights, and weathered a bad rainstorm with pizza one afternoon.
And I learned a lot about myself. I learned that nothing is perfect, and that's okay. I learned that it's a joy and a privilege to serve others. I learned that I am quite capable of not sweating the small stuff! My daughter has married into a lovely family that love each other. I am glad they came and stayed with us, and I hope they return!
There were two babies, a five-year-old and a twelve-year-old. Various adults came and went. It was a pleasure to get to know them! I only hope they were comfortable here. Of course, my son and daughter-in-law were here for ten days. My daughter-in-law is a terrific person. I could not have done it without her help. She is a brilliant manager and knows just how to deal with a lot of different types of people. She really helped out with my younger daughter, who could sound off to her big sister and get the sympathetic ear she needed.
Of course, I did a lot of cooking, cleaning, and shopping, just to keep people fed! We went through a lot of Lucky Charms cereal. We hosted dinner at our neighborhood pool a couple of nights, and weathered a bad rainstorm with pizza one afternoon.
And I learned a lot about myself. I learned that nothing is perfect, and that's okay. I learned that it's a joy and a privilege to serve others. I learned that I am quite capable of not sweating the small stuff! My daughter has married into a lovely family that love each other. I am glad they came and stayed with us, and I hope they return!
Still Learning after all These Years
I just finished one of my favorite books, Bonds That Make Us Free, by C. Terry Warner, again. I have read it about three times during the past six years I've owned it.
It has taken me at least that long to digest and incorporate the information he presents into my life. Next to the scriptures, I think it is the most important book I've ever read.
Warner points out that we spend a lot of time taking offense, and that this is a type of self-betrayal. We get angry, then seek to justify our anger by blaming someone for provoking us. I guess, deep inside, I have always known this type of reaction to be wrong. And I admit that since I now have an empty nest, there are fewer people around to do things at which I become irritated. However, Warner's work resonates with me. We all enjoy and prefer people who are open, accepting, and loving, non-judgmental and uncritical, and that is the type of person I want to be.
I am teaching myself to look at the world, and other people, as a happy, open, positive place. I don't view others as my enemies. Instead, I realize others are just doing the best they can, and it is my responsibility to cut them some slack instead of assuming they're trying to thwart me. Usually people who are nasty, angry, and suspicious, are unhappy and afraid. The world to them is a dangerous place. I don't want to be like that, and I have compassion for people who do.
I only wish I'd had this book twenty years ago. It would have saved me from myself in a lot of ways! I am not perfect, but I am making progress.
It has taken me at least that long to digest and incorporate the information he presents into my life. Next to the scriptures, I think it is the most important book I've ever read.
Warner points out that we spend a lot of time taking offense, and that this is a type of self-betrayal. We get angry, then seek to justify our anger by blaming someone for provoking us. I guess, deep inside, I have always known this type of reaction to be wrong. And I admit that since I now have an empty nest, there are fewer people around to do things at which I become irritated. However, Warner's work resonates with me. We all enjoy and prefer people who are open, accepting, and loving, non-judgmental and uncritical, and that is the type of person I want to be.
I am teaching myself to look at the world, and other people, as a happy, open, positive place. I don't view others as my enemies. Instead, I realize others are just doing the best they can, and it is my responsibility to cut them some slack instead of assuming they're trying to thwart me. Usually people who are nasty, angry, and suspicious, are unhappy and afraid. The world to them is a dangerous place. I don't want to be like that, and I have compassion for people who do.
I only wish I'd had this book twenty years ago. It would have saved me from myself in a lot of ways! I am not perfect, but I am making progress.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Mother of the Bride
So, in just over a week, a whole bunch of essential strangers are descending on my house. The occasion is their son's/brother's wedding to my daughter.
My sister and her son are coming too. And I am hosting an unbelievably expensive party at the local country club for our friends, my daughter's friends, and her in-laws.
Now, nobody who hasn't done the Mother of the Bride thing realizes the huge amount of time and sheer effort that goes into these things. Not to mention the money.
I have had to:
Choose wedding invitations and come up with wording
Get bride to okay invitations
Nag bride to get pictures made to put in the invitations
Figure out how much the postage is and buy the stamps
Coerce address lists from my daughter and her fiance's mother
Create database with all addresses
Address, assemble, stamp and mail over 100 invitations
Keep track of who is coming and who is not
Find an appropriate outfit in the right color
Find shoes and blouse to go with appropriate outfit
Help daughter find a wedding dress
Pay for dress
Argue with dress shop about price for bolero to match dress
Buy fabric and pattern and make veil
Help choose bridesmaids' dresses
Buy two bridesmaids' dresses
Design, make, and install sleeves in three of bridesmaids' dresses
Make matrix for sleeping arrangements of guests
Bake and freeze cookies and cakes to feed guests
Make trip to cake decorating shop to find stand for cakes
Select and buy cakes
Arrange for friend to pick up cakes
Purchase and alter new suit for father of the bride
Endure whining from other daughter about bridesmaid dress
Nag bride about ties for groomsmen and fathers
Choose and buy ties for groomsmen and fathers
Search for a tie for the groom
Buy tie for groom
Search on the Internet and drive all over the county to find reception site
Select food for reception
Get approval from bride for food
Put deposit down for reception
Make list of songs for son to put on ipod for reception
Paint laundry room
Refinish grout on kitchen floor
Get at least one chair reupholstered
Plan meals for guests
Shop for food for guests
Search Internet for purple flowers in July
Drive 40 miles to pick up flowers for dry run with florist
Buy vases for guest tables at reception
Check out purple flowers at local grocery stores
Buy little bottles of bubble stuff
Select and buy miles of ribbon for bouquets, favors, and boutonnieres
Order flowers on Internet
Find and order jordan almonds on Internet
Buy little cellophane bags for almonds
Place almonds in bags and tie with ribbons and bubble stuff
Create and send guest list for shower
Buy shower gift
Create and send guest list for out-of-state open house
Pick up and return cake stand
Send packages of bride's household goods to new apartment
Make at least three trips to airport to pick up guests
Arrange for evening photo session with photographer
Determine tipping procedure for waiters at reception
Report back to catering manager for reception
Coordinate family members to arrive at wedding site
There's more, but this is most of it. At the same time, I am doing all the stuff I normally do: work, exercise, church work, cook, clean, shop.
I hope my second daughter gives me at least two years before she gets married!
My sister and her son are coming too. And I am hosting an unbelievably expensive party at the local country club for our friends, my daughter's friends, and her in-laws.
Now, nobody who hasn't done the Mother of the Bride thing realizes the huge amount of time and sheer effort that goes into these things. Not to mention the money.
I have had to:
Choose wedding invitations and come up with wording
Get bride to okay invitations
Nag bride to get pictures made to put in the invitations
Figure out how much the postage is and buy the stamps
Coerce address lists from my daughter and her fiance's mother
Create database with all addresses
Address, assemble, stamp and mail over 100 invitations
Keep track of who is coming and who is not
Find an appropriate outfit in the right color
Find shoes and blouse to go with appropriate outfit
Help daughter find a wedding dress
Pay for dress
Argue with dress shop about price for bolero to match dress
Buy fabric and pattern and make veil
Help choose bridesmaids' dresses
Buy two bridesmaids' dresses
Design, make, and install sleeves in three of bridesmaids' dresses
Make matrix for sleeping arrangements of guests
Bake and freeze cookies and cakes to feed guests
Make trip to cake decorating shop to find stand for cakes
Select and buy cakes
Arrange for friend to pick up cakes
Purchase and alter new suit for father of the bride
Endure whining from other daughter about bridesmaid dress
Nag bride about ties for groomsmen and fathers
Choose and buy ties for groomsmen and fathers
Search for a tie for the groom
Buy tie for groom
Search on the Internet and drive all over the county to find reception site
Select food for reception
Get approval from bride for food
Put deposit down for reception
Make list of songs for son to put on ipod for reception
Paint laundry room
Refinish grout on kitchen floor
Get at least one chair reupholstered
Plan meals for guests
Shop for food for guests
Search Internet for purple flowers in July
Drive 40 miles to pick up flowers for dry run with florist
Buy vases for guest tables at reception
Check out purple flowers at local grocery stores
Buy little bottles of bubble stuff
Select and buy miles of ribbon for bouquets, favors, and boutonnieres
Order flowers on Internet
Find and order jordan almonds on Internet
Buy little cellophane bags for almonds
Place almonds in bags and tie with ribbons and bubble stuff
Create and send guest list for shower
Buy shower gift
Create and send guest list for out-of-state open house
Pick up and return cake stand
Send packages of bride's household goods to new apartment
Make at least three trips to airport to pick up guests
Arrange for evening photo session with photographer
Determine tipping procedure for waiters at reception
Report back to catering manager for reception
Coordinate family members to arrive at wedding site
There's more, but this is most of it. At the same time, I am doing all the stuff I normally do: work, exercise, church work, cook, clean, shop.
I hope my second daughter gives me at least two years before she gets married!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A Milestone Again
Today we hit another parenting milestone: our youngest graduated from high school.
Yippee! No more yelling about homework. No more making sack lunches which never get eaten. No more parent-teacher conferences. No more early-morning church seminary!
There's both a huge relief and a bit of sadness. I will miss having kids over and the enthusiasm and fun they bring to my house. It is never the same once the kids go away to college.
I will also miss my daughter's involvement in the high school theater department. It was a lot of fun to see her on stage. I will not miss all the work I did as the Drama Boosters president (two years, vice-president for another one).
So will things slow down now that I am looking at an empty nest? I certainly hope so!
Yippee! No more yelling about homework. No more making sack lunches which never get eaten. No more parent-teacher conferences. No more early-morning church seminary!
There's both a huge relief and a bit of sadness. I will miss having kids over and the enthusiasm and fun they bring to my house. It is never the same once the kids go away to college.
I will also miss my daughter's involvement in the high school theater department. It was a lot of fun to see her on stage. I will not miss all the work I did as the Drama Boosters president (two years, vice-president for another one).
So will things slow down now that I am looking at an empty nest? I certainly hope so!
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